Comments on Julie Pippert: Using My Words: The Quiet Chat in the Hallway

i feel so judged lately by the preschool teachers,...

2009-04-04T22:20:00.000-05:00

i feel so judged lately by the preschool teachers, so this really resonates. also the stuff about being their 100% because daddy is missing. and then i am so angry at j because i hate being in this position.

thanks for this julie.

The thing is, we're always juggling and balancing ...

2009-03-23T14:46:00.000-05:00

The thing is, we're always juggling and balancing short-term versus long-term needs, wants, benefits, and lessons. The scale will always tip one way or the other, but the attempt to strike a balance is key to being a fulfilled woman, not only a mom.

Great post. One of my kids is too old and the oth...

2009-03-20T08:06:00.000-05:00

Great post. One of my kids is too old and the other too young for this to be an issue for me at the moment, but your words brought those difficult days back.

I'm living this out, too. Thanks for putting it a...

2009-03-19T13:23:00.000-05:00

I'm living this out, too. Thanks for putting it all in words.

Oh, girl, I hear you. Esp. when your spouse has an...

2009-03-17T23:57:00.000-05:00

Oh, girl, I hear you. Esp. when your spouse has an intense schedule, it feels like if something has to give, it will be something of ours. I hope you keep finding that line. I have a child that likes to tap dance along the fault lines, too. This was such a beautiful post. Really, really enjoyed meeting you in Austin. Thanks.:)

I am so glad you wrote this post because, right no...

2009-03-16T10:08:00.000-05:00

I am so glad you wrote this post because, right now, I am feeling exactly like that, and I haven't been able to put things into words. Jackie is also acting out at school and testing boundaries. But also, I now have an online job, and things are so crazy. I don't even take the time for me that I should. I don't shower every day or brush my teeth enough. I hope one day to make things work out, but you completely explained just how I have been feeling. Thank you.

I read this the other day when I didn't have time ...

2009-03-13T10:02:00.000-05:00

I read this the other day when I didn't have time to comment. I find with Miss M that sometimes she just needs home as much as she needs me. If we've been doing too much--even as a family--it still taxes her. A weekend lounging at home, though, is like magic.

I'm like that too, though. The batteries can only be recharged inside my own house.

This feels very profound to me as I struggle with ...

2009-03-13T06:26:00.000-05:00

This feels very profound to me as I struggle with all of these things a lot. I think the problem is particularly compounded by being a mother with a full-time job that is not a predictable 9-5 in an office. If there were not the TEASE of having you there but not really present for them, I suspect they would not have the frustration that you cannot be with them. I go through this several days a week, and I struggle all the time with trying to figure out how to schedule the work time so that it doesn't make them feel slighted. Your girls are older than my children, who at 3 and 5 still need a lot of help from me even to negotiate playing together. So I'm not sure I'm delighted to read that it does not get easier once they hit school age. But I do appreciate the sense of balance you are striving for, and I would second what everyone has said: you time IS vital (as you know) and is not a luxury, like expensive dinners, that can be done away with and leave the spirit fully restored nonetheless.

Children, self, work, home: that see-saw will nev...

2009-03-12T14:50:00.000-05:00

Children, self, work, home: that see-saw will never come to rest in the middle. I think the fact that we have the time and space to keep taking our emotional temperatures on these issues is simply proof of our privilege--cultural, intellectual, economic, take your pick.

But I am offended on your behalf, Julie, that people seem to feel okay about offering you unsolicited commentary on yourself (too intense, etc) that is less than kind. If you're in a writing workshop, then, sure, writing criticism is appropriate. And if you're talking to your shrink, personality advice is not off limits.

But besides that? those comments seem to fail all three parts of the "is it necessary/true/kind" test.

I tend to agree with what Anniegirl said - kids do...

2009-03-12T12:09:00.000-05:00

I tend to agree with what Anniegirl said - kids don't necessarily need a lot, but they do need some kind of structure more often than not. Lack of structure tends to ramp up everyone's insecurities, I've noticed. And you're right - sometimes what they need is an "armchair mom" - just knowing you're there while they do their thing. (I think that probably describes a lot of my own time with my kids, really.)

I also agree with what several other commenters have said - in showing your kids that you are a person in your own right, they're learning they're not the center of the universe. Haven't we all encountered a few people who seem like they never did learn that? I think you're right, though - it's an example your daughters won't really appreciate till they're older. (At 25, maybe my son gets it now...)

As always, I love the way you articulate your thoughts.

Oh yeah - finding that balance, meeting the child'...

2009-03-12T10:19:00.000-05:00

Oh yeah - finding that balance, meeting the child's needs, getting the house in order - so hard. You said this very well.

If the teacher is a mother also, she was probably ...

2009-03-11T22:09:00.000-05:00

If the teacher is a mother also, she was probably showing her own ambivalence (here I am worrying about some other child and not with mine!)
Every good mother has these qualms, I think. But, in the end, a good mother is someone who is stable and comfortable in her skin and can happily read a book while her children play.
Hi there, good mother.

How appropriate that you write about this as I hav...

2009-03-11T21:05:00.000-05:00

How appropriate that you write about this as I have just taken a job that promises to be more of a time suck than originally thought. I still need to be there for them, but I have to start being there for me too.

Food for thought...

You are teaching your children your world does not...

2009-03-11T18:26:00.000-05:00

You are teaching your children your world does not orbit around them, but they are a very special part of your universe - I think that is perfect parenting, myself.

Isn't it funny, the slightest crack in our armour and it seems that the world's judgement can sneak in through a raised eyebrow or a disconcerting false smile?

As a mom whose husband is gone more than home, I d...

2009-03-11T18:05:00.000-05:00

As a mom whose husband is gone more than home, I do 100% of the parenting about 90% of the time. So I understand this so well. (Though I think most parents can.)

By the way, I've had this opened on my computer for hours, and kept getting interrupted. Which seems apropos. :-)

Do not worry, friends, I will not go to any extrem...

2009-03-11T17:37:00.000-05:00

Do not worry, friends, I will not go to any extremes, you guys know me and moderation. In other words, not giving up my activities. :)

Thank you.

of course this will pass, julie. it is a just a g...

2009-03-11T17:15:00.000-05:00

of course this will pass, julie. it is a just a glitch, a blip on the radar.

xo

Children need surprisingly little. They just need ...

2009-03-11T15:56:00.000-05:00

Children need surprisingly little. They just need it on a schedule. We were having trouble with Kat. She felt neglected and was all kinds of annoying to demonstrate her displeasure. So Friday night is now homemade pizza and a family movie. Always. I was surprised by how well it worked. One night of fave food and snuggle on the sofa and she suddenly feels a whole lot less neglected.

Don't let a teacher's revelation throw you. You would be surprised the kinds of things kids say to teachers that are simply statements of fact as they see it but in no way a true reflection. She was just giving you a heads up.

Ed is right. Keep doing things for Julie. You do...

2009-03-11T15:47:00.000-05:00

Ed is right. Keep doing things for Julie. You do not have to *always* be an armchair for the kids.

This week I went swimming laps and to the ice rink by myself. When I mentioned it in passing, my dotter was angry: why was I doing these fun things without her?! Um. Because they're fun? Because mommy needs fun alone now & then?

Yes, children can be very dependent. And also ten...

2009-03-11T15:34:00.000-05:00

Yes, children can be very dependent. And also tend to exaggerate. However, I would remind you (as I had to remind myself, when Son was younger) that if you don't take care of yourself, you won't be in any condition to take care of them. And, that doesn't benefit *anybody*.

So, don't forget to do those things for Julie - while the kids may not appreciate it now, later on they will. Believe me.

~EdT.

I read once that a major corporation looked at the...

2009-03-11T15:01:00.000-05:00

I read once that a major corporation looked at the characteristics of their best managers and found only one consistent quality. They were all parents or step parents or former educators. Kids,our best teachers, are such good training for how to live our best lives. Keep up the good work.