tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post3602973981693636189..comments2023-09-29T06:00:09.242-05:00Comments on Julie Pippert: Using My Words: The Revelation: You Don't Get to Say or How Elizabeth Edwards Inspired Me, AgainJulie Pipperthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03169574697104642479noreply@blogger.comBlogger21125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-81637176336265118222008-08-22T18:26:00.000-05:002008-08-22T18:26:00.000-05:00{blogger was not liking me yesterday...I'm re-tryi...{blogger was not liking me yesterday...I'm re-trying my comment}<BR/><BR/>I realize I'm a few days late to the conversation, but I had to comment on this one. As a person who decided to marry a guy she'd known only a few months, the same year her parents divorced after 27 years of marriage--and who is still married to that guy 11 1/2 years later, which is six years after my divorced parents remarried each other--I have an intimate and intense belief that NO ONE outside of a marriage can fully understand the dynamics of that marriage. <BR/><BR/>Elizabeth and John Edwards are the only people who can view the affair <I>within</I> the context of that marriage. They are the only ones who can determine if it has caused irreversible harm; and, in the end, they are the ones who have to live with and work through all all of the ramifications. If it's not your spouse (the collective your), you don't have a say. <BR/><BR/>You said it more eloquently than that, but it's true. In addition, I think the fact that she felt comfortable (felt the need to?) defending her choices as a mother, is definitely worthy of reflection. Not because of what it says about <I>her</I>, but what it suggests about the perceived strength or constraint placed on a woman's voice, depending on her role (wife versus mother).<BR/><BR/>As for the broader message of your piece, I identify with it, deeply. I have very little clarity on it, personally, because I've yet to find that place inside where I accept that what I want, or what would make me happy, <I>could even possibly</I> be okay if it meant someone else would be disappointed in me. I admire you for trudging through.Yolandahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12388052616712145572noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-78164323508727239432008-08-19T22:30:00.000-05:002008-08-19T22:30:00.000-05:00There but for the grace of god (the god of your ch...There but for the grace of god (the god of your choice) go any of us. I don't get to decide, but I can send her all good wishes and strength. That woman is a fighter.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-75141430759586938812008-08-19T16:41:00.000-05:002008-08-19T16:41:00.000-05:00Fabulous post Julie. I read the whole thing and I ...Fabulous post Julie. I read the whole thing and I get it. At least I think I get it. <BR/><BR/>I'm going through a similar work more less SAHM identity shift and last year I learned an invaluable lesson - how to say NO. To church ladies and soccer teams and PTA. For now. <BR/><BR/>Realized my "choice" to SAHM was a reaction to lot of social and familial pressure and not really an authentic choice. To that familial pressure "good moms stay home" I'm trying to learn to say, "You don't get to . . ." as you are doing.<BR/><BR/>Lead the way!Tracee Sioux, Sioux Ink: Soul Purpose Publishinghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06511311972798310564noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-13558990900738938602008-08-19T15:56:00.000-05:002008-08-19T15:56:00.000-05:00Fabulous post as always, Julie, and it's given me ...Fabulous post as always, Julie, and it's given me a lot to think about.Allyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15264625893829690986noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-18399034913346181592008-08-18T07:24:00.000-05:002008-08-18T07:24:00.000-05:00Annie, well put. You're right, of course. And I lo...Annie, well put. You're right, of course. And I look forward to your 1976.<BR/><BR/>Caroline, length doesn't bother me. I enjoy the completeness of your thoughts. I think you made a great point about how our idea of what we would do evolves.<BR/><BR/>Donna, game or diversion---that seems so obvious, but you know, it just didn't really quite occur to me that clearly or consciously. Very true. And thanks.<BR/><BR/>Bon, absolutely. I can't think of a better way to say this but it strikes me as very true that the more gray we feel in our lives, the more gray we understand in others.<BR/><BR/>Gwen, I'm believing that your friend is right.<BR/><BR/>Kyla, LOL, I'd love a cute you-as-baby photo.<BR/><BR/>Florinda, yes, I agree. And I'm excited about what you'll write.<BR/><BR/>Magpie: yes, that's it! It's respect, it's manners.<BR/><BR/>Ed: hope the inlaws were fine. :) You've put it square on the head of another nail, here. How often we impose our standards on others---and how out of line that can be too often.<BR/><BR/>PM, what a great point---WHY. In some cases, that's relevant. In other cases, the people are too far removed, but it is a great question.<BR/><BR/>ML, you covered beautifully an area I didn't articulate very well. When I combine your comment (great, thanks) with Annie's it is about confidence and balance. My big goal. :)<BR/><BR/>Karen, oh my gosh what a great example, and that's an aspect, kind of like Ed was mentioning, where you take something positive, like an idea or ideal and turn it into a hammer you hit people over the head with.<BR/><BR/>Chani, I don't know if I've heard that quote. It's perfect. Thank you.Julie Pipperthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03169574697104642479noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-78534699795741425812008-08-18T07:04:00.000-05:002008-08-18T07:04:00.000-05:00Dear Anonymous,First, it's pretty hard to take suc...Dear Anonymous,<BR/><BR/>First, it's pretty hard to take such a comment---snarky and anonymous---at all seriously. I say have the courage to put your name and reputation to your words.<BR/><BR/>As for how I write? I write as I write. Not every writer will appeal to every reader.<BR/><BR/>If my style isn't a fit for you, there are millions of other blogs that are.<BR/><BR/>Happy reading elsewhere.Julie Pipperthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03169574697104642479noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-39420719265595613682008-08-18T01:52:00.000-05:002008-08-18T01:52:00.000-05:00Have you ever considered that your posts are somet...Have you ever considered that your posts are sometimes too long? Have you ever thought of adding "Be succinct" to your New Year's resolutions?<BR/><BR/>A good writer knows how to edit. Sometimes I avoid reading all of your posts because they just go on and on: Every. Single. One. Or so it seems.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-3723777125818107392008-08-17T19:08:00.000-05:002008-08-17T19:08:00.000-05:00Relationship worth is up to the people within the ...Relationship worth is up to the people within the confines and no one else.<BR/><BR/>I have experienced critical eyes upon me as I have navigate life in the last 6 years. I cannot at all claim that I am not hurt by those who judge me openly or by their silence, but they haven't earned the right to do so - they just take it upon themselves. Nothing can be done about it.<BR/><BR/>1976 via 1974 would be the year for me.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-24791028030256838592008-08-17T15:45:00.000-05:002008-08-17T15:45:00.000-05:00WHOA! Sorry that post was so long! :)WHOA! Sorry that post was so long! :)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-73525503476925026412008-08-17T15:44:00.000-05:002008-08-17T15:44:00.000-05:00(Forgive me if I am posting this twice, I think I ...(Forgive me if I am posting this twice, I think I lost my first try.)<BR/><BR/>I was actually thinking about this post when I fell asleep last night. What a great topic you bring up.<BR/><BR/>You know, when I first met my husband and we were newly married, the answer was easy. I was fresh from attending and working at a women's college, full of feminist vigor, no one could cross me. And if he had pulled a "John Edwards", well, he'd be outa there. My friends would have my back, I would revel in my own strength and push onward.<BR/><BR/>But now, 8 years later, my husband is truly my family. I don't see those friends as much, but I am with him everyday living the intamacy of bills, home-buying, baby-making and even hurricanes (like right now)! We have 2 boys, they adore us both together - and even cheer when we hug. <BR/><BR/>And so now, if he pulled a John Edwards? Don't tell my friends but it would NOT be so cut and dry. And, most importantly, I don't think thats a reflection of how weak or strong I am either. (Granted, the trust factor would be in the can and we'd have endless therapy to plod through but...) Would an affair deserve the weight of breaking up our entire family? Our home? Our lives?<BR/><BR/>We often say the other would have to really REALLY REEEEALLY screw up to drive the other one away. Not that it gives the other a green light to do as they may - uh uh, no way.<BR/><BR/>So my heart breaks in a million pieces for a woman in Elizabeth Edwards' position. She had to make that "damned if you do, damned if you don't" decision. I can't imagine the torment she went through. She didn't have the affair but the responsibility of her family staying together was on her shoulders.<BR/><BR/>Shoot, no judgement from me. Much respect for Elizabeth. She amazes me.<BR/><BR/>Awesome post Julie.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-65362976011113759882008-08-17T14:38:00.000-05:002008-08-17T14:38:00.000-05:00Thank you for articulating this so beautifully, Ju...Thank you for articulating this so beautifully, Julie. Of course, no one ever knows the inner lives of everyone else, and judging their choices is unfair -- especially when you are doing it as a game or a diversion, which is what I think a lot of our gossipy, celebrity-driven pop culture does. <BR/><BR/>Good luck with finding the balance you need in your life. Whatever you choose to do, I will not criticize :)Donnahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14264449201706478489noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-4522291554364416062008-08-17T11:21:00.000-05:002008-08-17T11:21:00.000-05:00i grew up like you, believing that if one wasn't h...i grew up like you, believing that if one wasn't happy, it was best to move on. i believed that through my marriage...and surprise...my divorce. now, however, with someone with whom i've invested in a way i never had before, and from whom i receive investment in a way i never had before...i see things slightly differently. i get Elizabeth Edwards' position better than i ever would have before, though it still saddens me that she/they have to live through this in the public eye, particularly.Bonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14403701620708365171noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-26862220514936407022008-08-17T09:32:00.000-05:002008-08-17T09:32:00.000-05:00Per your label: growing up *is* hard to do. But ...Per your label: growing up *is* hard to do. But ultimately, it's pretty worth it. <BR/><BR/>Someone told me recently that the best time of her life was from the years of 40 to 60 because she finally had what you're talking about here figured out. She was confident enough in her own decisions and life that she didn't need to worry what others thought. That's probably more possible, though, when the disapproving people are not your family members.Gwenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12526629366170486737noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-40118508027477714032008-08-16T21:13:00.000-05:002008-08-16T21:13:00.000-05:00I think next week, I'm going to post a really ador...I think next week, I'm going to post a really adorable infant photo of myself. From 1984. <BR/><BR/>I bet you didn't have to put those little caveats before I started reading. LOL.Kylahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03311014761113076785noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-57618459467172598912008-08-16T20:12:00.000-05:002008-08-16T20:12:00.000-05:00I am so glad you've asked us to use this post, and...I am so glad you've asked us to use this post, and the previous one, as jumping-off points for Hump Day Hmm posts of our own, because that both have been real thought-provokers for me and I'd rather have the larger space to respond. <BR/><BR/>But I will say that I have been where your former co-worker was - and for me, it wasn't anywhere close to being a "he cheats/you leave" situation. In a long-term marriage, especially when there are children, I think it can rarely be that cut-and-dried - although for some couples, it MIGHT be, and that's part of why "no one gets to say" what another person's response <I>should</I> be.Florindahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09789402061034734894noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-62031060720911120212008-08-16T20:09:00.000-05:002008-08-16T20:09:00.000-05:00It boils down to: I am me, and you are you. Respe...It boils down to: I am me, and you are you. Respect my decision(s) and I'll respect yours. <BR/><BR/>Nice post, J.Magpiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15460136246441367993noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-8093682144681537462008-08-16T14:27:00.000-05:002008-08-16T14:27:00.000-05:00Julie - I think you have hit on a key aspect of my...Julie - I think you have hit on a key aspect of my own personal value system, as well as a major issue I have with the Abrahamic religions (Judaism, Christianity, Islam.) The fact that *I* might (or would) respond a certain way in a given situation does not give me the right to require that YOU do so. Which is, btw, the basis for my conservative (leaning toward Libertarian) beliefs. This is certainly something I will want to explore, in blogging, further.<BR/><BR/>Now, it is off to the in-laws, so I can meet *their* expectations <I>:sigh:</I><BR/><BR/>~EdT.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-79184134180563902522008-08-16T13:06:00.000-05:002008-08-16T13:06:00.000-05:00very interesting, and the "you don't get to say" w...very interesting, and the "you don't get to say" was a great jumping off point.<BR/><BR/>good luck with all the changes in your life, and the people who don't want you to change. be sure, as you probably already are, to ask WHY they don't want you to change. It's probably not at all about what is best for you, but what is best for THEMpainted maypolehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06446625015003854710noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-60964631712735106762008-08-16T11:41:00.000-05:002008-08-16T11:41:00.000-05:00I think something that is really important here is...I think something that is really important here is how strong you have to be with your choices to accept that people are going to judge--whether they should or not. You make your choices, hopefully using all your best decision making skills, intuition, etc., and then the world be damned.<BR/><BR/>It isn't that I don't think other people are important, I do. In fact, I believe that being in community is vital to any person's well being. There are some decisions, though, which--even if they have a perceived negative impact on your community--are still personal, individual ones to make. Some people will support you and some won't. Those who won't will ALWAYS make sure you know how they feel.<BR/><BR/>There are many more comments that come up for me when I read this post. I will leave it at the above for now or this will turn into the comment that ate the post and they are only tangentially related.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10270726693980247861noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-21084546668395355472008-08-16T10:57:00.000-05:002008-08-16T10:57:00.000-05:00Actually this reminds me of the current birth scen...Actually this reminds me of the current birth scene at the moment. Advocates of natural birth have started out with a nice idea (healthy choices for women) and turned it upside down into a way of judging women who wouldn't choose the same thing they did (be that home birth, water birth, breastfeeding or no epidural...the list is a long one.) This is the very thing that is making me totally crazy about me fellow co-workers in the field of birth. People see choices they disagree with and assume it means something that is doesn't (that the person isn't as educated/committed/as a good a parent, etc). They cannot release themselves from their own box and support a woman who would make a choice different than their own. Mmm, good bloggity topic julie!Karenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09390898429089863816noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-90269711504632382382008-08-16T10:44:00.000-05:002008-08-16T10:44:00.000-05:00Reminds me of the old Fritz Perls quote from the l...Reminds me of the old Fritz Perls quote from the late 60s. "I do my thing and you do yours. I am not in this world to live up to your expectations, and you are not in this world to live up to mine. You are you and I am I, and if by chance we find each other, then it is beautiful. If not, it can't be helped.”<BR/><BR/><BR/>~*thailandchanihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10171731740204067889noreply@blogger.com