Comments on Julie Pippert: Using My Words: Breastfeeding is like five whole minutes of your l...

Feminism is the freedom to choose what WE want for...

2009-06-10T22:56:41.042-05:00

Feminism is the freedom to choose what WE want for ourselves. I choose to stay home full time with my 2 boys. I do not feel that I am wasting my university education. I will get back to my career when the time is right. But right now, my kids are little, and I will never get that back. My degree will always be waiting for me, but my babies will grow faster than I can imagine and I will be wishing them back into babies.

I <3 this post, even though I'm not a mom(and had ...

2009-04-22T21:38:00.000-05:00

I <3 this post, even though I'm not a mom(and had better not be any time in the near future!)

Militant feminism has always got my goat, and when feminists try to protest against something that is a natural bodily function which actually GIVES life, aren't they basically putting themselves down by denying their lifegiving power, as well as trying to put themselves above nature?

"That's what feminism is: choice for us as women, freedom to choose." - my thoughts exactly.

Very well written. Thanks for sharing the timeline...

2009-04-20T22:15:00.000-05:00

Very well written. Thanks for sharing the timeline idea. I really enjoyed this post.

Wonderfully written. We're deep in the trenches wi...

2009-04-19T06:10:00.000-05:00

Wonderfully written. We're deep in the trenches with baby #2 at the moment and SURE it's hard and SURE it's exhausting, but I also have a 2 1/2 yo and I know how fast things go.

To be honest, I think I'm enjoying #2's infancy more, because I'm not constantly looking forward for the next milestone.

I am in the closing phases of breastfeeding my las...

2009-04-18T16:15:00.000-05:00

I am in the closing phases of breastfeeding my last baby ever. she is 20 months, I am 48, and my older girls are aged from 22 to 26 YEARS.

so breastfeeding for me this time around is really poignant, because i know how all too well how fast they get to be adults, and how very quickly the baby years fly.

although she has been the most demanding baby of all of them i have been stashing every memory away somewhere safe - menopause is fast approaching, and then old age will gallop in with all its flags and bells waving, and this phase, this precious innocent exhausting challenging magical age will be over. i have loved every moment - even the toughest. having the chance to revisit mothering with a wiser head and more stable marriage, and so many more life skills - oh - a once-in-a-lifetime gift. how can i measure that against the tiny amount of real time that breastfeeding her takes?

when i am on my death bed at some ripe old age, i sure as hell am not going to be regretting the moments in time that were devoted to nourishing my babies. those life chances are fleeting and transient, and they only come once.

enjoy your choices whatever they are, and allow other women theirs. that is after all what the liberation was all about. freedom of choice and no judgement.

Now THAT is using your words. I love this, Julie....

2009-04-18T13:05:00.000-05:00

Now THAT is using your words. I love this, Julie. Having an infant is hard, hard work. No doubt about it. I often tell people with babies that the days seem so very long but the years go so very fast. It doesn't always (or often) seem that way when we're in the thick of it, but suddenly here they are, almost as tall as we are, with iPods and cell phones and girls texting too often. Thanks for adding your voice and perspective.

I've been mulling over that article from The Atlan...

2009-04-17T21:45:00.000-05:00

I've been mulling over that article from The Atlantic for weeks now. There's so many issues brought up. I feel badly that motherhood in America is often a continuous series of attempts to one-up the other. Breastfeeding just happens to often be one of those ribbons to add to the "good mother" category. For me, bf was a no-brainer for all 3 of my kids. It really is a blip on the radar screen of life...

We had that same little co-sleeper. Was it called ...

2009-04-16T08:54:00.000-05:00

We had that same little co-sleeper. Was it called a SnuggleNest?

I honestly, honestly think the the whole breastfeeding/formula feeding thing is getting a little pushy lately. It is a choice. If you breastfeed, GREAT! If you give your baby formula, GREAT! We need to be mindful of allowing women to make their own choice, in either direction.

My baby is nearing his first birthday, and I could...

2009-04-14T20:20:00.000-05:00

My baby is nearing his first birthday, and I couldn't be happier. The expectation is that I will be nostalgic and start gearing up for another pregnancy. Instead, I'm mostly just relieved.

He has needed so much from me - me specifically, me only, regardless of being bottlefed since birth. He slept only on me for weeks. He would only go to sleep if I (not his dad) rocked him for months (until recently, actually) ... he has screamed his way through his first year, and though that's not his fault, it will only get better as he gets older. Bring on the sippee cups! Walk already! Let's put the tiny baby phase behind us.

I see my peers finding their identity in whether or not they use cloth diapers or slings or co-sleep or sleep-train. I am guilty of it, too. So who will they (and I) be in four years, when all of those decisions are obsolete?

My neighbor and I encourage one another all the time by saying, "There's no fourteen year old boy in the world who still takes a bottle (or is rocked to sleep, or wakes up to eat in the middle of the night, or wakes up calling for his mom every morning at 5 am, or ...)

Thanks for the reminder though. It really does help to keep perspective, in the moments when I'm eating dinner with one hand while trying to soothe the baby with another and cutting up chicken into little squares for the toddler.

True that! I would say a lack of desire to nouris...

2009-04-14T18:14:00.000-05:00

True that!

I would say a lack of desire to nourish one's child is more masculine than feminist. But, hey - like you I already crossed that hurdle and got to the other side.

Glad to have the girls back all to myself, but you're right - the kids still need to be fed and there's a family leave policy in this country that is actually a real problem.

Awww, Mad, am so glad to hear you say this---both ...

2009-04-14T16:46:00.000-05:00

Awww, Mad, am so glad to hear you say this---both for your message and for you taking the time to say it. Thank you.

I do sincerely wish the Atlantic writer had been less offensive (not as in "grievously offended" but as in "on the offense") in her position. She made it too political and polarizing to be quite a breath of fresh air for me---not to mention, as you said, the swift responses from both fronts (word choice intentional).

So ITA: there does need to be a breath of fresh air.

I am perhaps very sensitive to this because I know women become mothers in many different ways---not all of them with breastfeeding as an option.

All (good, omitting implication of any of those harmful mothers, which do unfortunately exist, but presuming we are talking loving mothers KWIM?) mothers nurture and nourish, regardless of method.

I said in my piece "nourish from one's body" but that is a word choice I wish I could edit.

I wish I'd said "nourish from one's self" because that's my real point.

I feel sad that motherhood, while being a fantasti...

2009-04-14T15:55:00.000-05:00

I feel sad that motherhood, while being a fantastic option in life, also makes us a target for every choice that is made during this "blip".

You put it well. Thanks Julie.

Hey sweet Julie, Apologies for any kind of misunde...

2009-04-14T12:42:00.000-05:00

Hey sweet Julie,
Apologies for any kind of misunderstanding. I wasn't saying that _you_ were bashing the woman who wrote the Atlantic piece. What I am saying is that I was shocked at how swift and numerous the responses were in the blogosphere to contain and counter her point of view right after that article came out. It was a little overwhelming and in many places seemed mean-spirited and it also seemed to take her intent out of context.

The author of the piece in the Atlantic, to my mind, never said that breastfeeding was anti-feminist. She argued that creating a societal culture wherein women feel obligated to breastfeed at all costs is anti-feminist. In short, she also supports choice and then questions how our choices have been compromised.

The article wasn't perfect but it was a small breath of fresh air in a climate where few dare to challenge the pressure that's placed upon women to be uber-milk-spouting-mothers.

Mad, I'm feeling challenged how to respond to you...

2009-04-14T10:09:00.000-05:00

Mad,

I'm feeling challenged how to respond to you and Yolanda because (a) I'm in a hurry and (b) I thought my POV on both choices was clear (i.e., not judgmental of choices).

Mary wrote a GREAT post on it: http://themsmysentiments.blogspot.com/2009/04/old-wifes-tale-about-breastfeeding.html

I'm not judging any discussion of choice.

I'm analyzing and judging the framework that writer used to defend---and oh it was so very defensive and attacking simultaneously---her choice. To be clear, also, I'm not exclusively referring to one or the other articles, but to the discussion at large on many sites on the Internet.

My criticism is of knocking down others who made different choices in order to justify one's own decision.

That will NEVER be good by me.

I'm also not good to agree with the idea that I am buying into anti-feminism and oppression by my choices.

By choosing, I am benefiting from feminist freedom.

In general zealotry and extremism on any side of any issue is counterproductive.

And just as some mothers might feel crushed by a zealot who props up breastfeeding as the ONLY good way to mother, I will debate the opposite extreme that asserts that breastfeeding is anti-feminist.

My point in my post here is there is a happy middle and we should aim for that. Do what you can. do your best, and in the end, it works out.

You could put your gorgeous M alongside my P2 and nobody could say how either was fed as an infant.

This doesn't need to be a battle with sides or attacks.

I didn't think it when I sat alongside my two friends who used formula while I nursed, and I don't think it now.

I was going to say what Yolanda said. I found it...

2009-04-14T09:19:00.000-05:00

I was going to say what Yolanda said.

I found it interesting just how quick people were to slam that Atlantic article and damn the author as a second-rate mother. I thought the writer made extremely valid points even if she did have too much of a "me against the world" tone.

Maybe if breastfeeding had worked for me rather than sending me into the worst spiral of despair and depression in my life, I would see things differently, but I can't help but be frustrated at how, whenever anyone is at all critical of the current cultural framework that props up breastfeeding, they get analyzed and judged to death. Something just ain't right in the world when that kind of thing happens.

So absolutely on the mark. It is all perspective.

2009-04-14T07:29:00.000-05:00

So absolutely on the mark. It is all perspective.

Thought-provoking post, as usual. Thanks, Julie. ...

2009-04-14T03:46:00.000-05:00

Thought-provoking post, as usual. Thanks, Julie.

My younger son turns one tomorrow, and I'm both thrilled at his growing independence and sad to no longer be the only thing he needs in the world.

Thanks for this fabulous and fabulously thought-pr...

2009-04-14T01:27:00.000-05:00

Thanks for this fabulous and fabulously thought-provoking post. I only wish I could have read something like it when I was beating myself up over my breastfeeding troubles when my daughter was a baby. Now with my second baby, it is all too clear to me how fast this time goes. I understand the blipness of it.

Whenever I read your posts, Julie, I always find myself lamenting that I don't have more time to write responses. If only you could read some of the posts I've had in mind to write! (By the way, are you ever going to have the Hump Day Hmm again? I really did enjoy thinking about the questions you posed, even though I never managed to actually write a post in response.)

You should see what that blip looks like from my 6...

2009-04-13T22:04:00.001-05:00

You should see what that blip looks like from my 67 year old vantage. But I find I still define myself as a mother. Part of a list of things I am, but there.
For me, the string never quite broke. I may not hear from the daughters for weeks at a time, but who they are and what they are doing to some extend defines me.
There are several posts around the place on this theme (wrote one myself a few weeks ago) but this one is pure Julie - rational, thorough, organized and fascinating to read. Lovely.

You should see what that blip looks like from my 6...

2009-04-13T22:04:00.000-05:00

Just in response to one of the other commentors, l...

2009-04-13T21:59:00.000-05:00

Just in response to one of the other commentors, let me say I'm extremely proud to list "mother" as my first identifier. I have no problem with that, and I label myself with that freely with or without society.

This is not to say that I cast aside the other facets of me in order to be the Mommy. I feel lucky, more days than not, I think I have pretty good balance.

All that said, this post is fantastic. I try hard not to get too riled by breastfeeding articles, but these latest ones were hard to miss. I was lucky to breastfeed for thirteen months and sure pumping at the office was isolating and tiresome, but it was all worth it and it worked for me.

If it doesn't work for you, great, cheers to you and cheers to choices. We're all lucky to be able to make them. But sometimes it seems, years later some moms are still searching for a pass from society, from themselves? We just need to forgive ourselves and celebrate our great kids and ultimately our mothering - no matter how we do it.

Great post.

My third, and last, will turn a year old on the 30...

2009-04-13T21:39:00.000-05:00

My third, and last, will turn a year old on the 30th of this month. She is breastfeeding, as her sisters did before her. I am aware of how the end to this end looms near, your description of the blip reduced me to tears. I am so grateful for what I have had, the way I have been able to give. I don't cross judgement on how anyone approaches this part of parenting, rather I am grateful for my complete satisfaction and no-regrets attitude toward my own.
I doubt I'll be able to tell the histories of other kids five years from now, but as I draw my last breath, I'll be grateful for the history I will know my girls had in these early years.

Thanks for such a thoughtful post.

Thank you, Julie, for very level-headedly saying w...

2009-04-13T21:09:00.000-05:00

Thank you, Julie, for very level-headedly saying what I've been thinking. It is much ado about nothing, and certain not the fight we need to be fighting.

Also, pumping is not that bad. I use a manual, whi...

2009-04-13T20:56:00.000-05:00

Also, pumping is not that bad. I use a manual, which I like a lot more than an electric. And I pump every morning to keep my supply up. Plus, the pump frees women who are breastfeeding to have a drink if they want (I don't, but a lot of women pump and dump). Really, I think it was a very stupid article.

Your post, however, was fantastic.

When I had my first, my MIL kept saying how breast...

2009-04-13T20:50:00.000-05:00

When I had my first, my MIL kept saying how breastfeeding was tying me down (ironic, b/c she breastfed, but her kids took a bottle). And a friend of mine said "I didn't have kids so I could not be tied down." Yeah, breastfeeding and being pregnant and TTC have taken up the last six years of my life, but in September, when this last one becomes a toddler, I will mourn those six short years.

That said, I did not just breastfeed because it was easier. I try to avoid putting processed foods into my kids for as long as possible. I try to keep things as natural as I can. That is not anti-feminist. That is parenting the way I see fit.