tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post8960797391559036159..comments2023-09-29T06:00:09.242-05:00Comments on Julie Pippert: Using My Words: You Don't Get to Say I'm a Terrible MotherJulie Pipperthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03169574697104642479noreply@blogger.comBlogger27125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-39923094334628773432007-09-26T10:41:00.000-05:002007-09-26T10:41:00.000-05:00I'd followed the whole deal with great interest bu...I'd followed the whole deal with great interest but only found this summary of it now. Nicely done!Mom101https://www.blogger.com/profile/15468524489744839899noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-84070204302613565482007-09-07T23:22:00.000-05:002007-09-07T23:22:00.000-05:00Fabulous post; really great to read. I love Eliza...Fabulous post; really great to read. I love Elizabeth's response to the criticism.Allyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15264625893829690986noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-52979149859472114362007-09-05T11:08:00.000-05:002007-09-05T11:08:00.000-05:00Great post Julie! I've experienced the bad mommy...Great post Julie! I've experienced the bad mommy comments and the good mommy comments inspired by my children's public behavior. None of the comments were deserved because you can't judge a family from isolated snapshots.Unknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07089700542958652031noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-9780343874833229122007-09-04T22:09:00.000-05:002007-09-04T22:09:00.000-05:00You're absolutely right. Nobody knows until they'...You're absolutely right. Nobody knows until they're in the situation (ANY situation) themselves. Remember what we thought it would be like to be a mom BEFORE we had kids? Boy, were we naive! Same stuff.<BR/><BR/>Great post, Julie. I totally enjoy reading your words.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-32944193526672770672007-09-04T20:05:00.000-05:002007-09-04T20:05:00.000-05:00This is the truth. We don't know. We none of us kn...This is the truth. We don't know. We none of us know what we would do in a number of situations---and yet, so often we women find ourselves casting out statements and opinions about all sorts of topics that are not close to us. Good for Elizabeth for speaking out. Good for you for posting.Livhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09154719979114564561noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-56299022647822608102007-09-04T11:09:00.000-05:002007-09-04T11:09:00.000-05:00Wow! You have really summed this all up wonderful...Wow! You have really summed this all up wonderfully. Are the "daddy" bloggers getting after the male presidential candidates of young children in the same way? I'm guessing probably not.PunditMomhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12919969826505761593noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-28958584820729852442007-09-04T06:18:00.000-05:002007-09-04T06:18:00.000-05:00Yeah - between this and the racist-PTA post it sou...Yeah - between this and the racist-PTA post it sounds like there's been a bit of a marketing drive going on at SV-mom-blogs.Beahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15957626443087438904noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-1216379339663526212007-09-03T22:25:00.000-05:002007-09-03T22:25:00.000-05:00This post and the following discussion were very i...This post and the following discussion were very interesting and insightful. Thanks for giving the topic so much thought. <BR/><BR/>As someone who's still new to parenting (not that I think I'll ever be able to believe I'm experienced), I'm dismayed at the ongoing mommy wars. And I have to say that all of this makes me so glad not to be in the public eye.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-18464826676235195492007-09-03T21:33:00.000-05:002007-09-03T21:33:00.000-05:00Bravo. I think we all deal with mommy 'drive-bys."...Bravo. I think we all deal with mommy 'drive-bys." Isn't the expression something about walkin ga mile in someone else's shoes. these are not harmful situations, just one that require transition and adjusting. <BR/><BR/>meAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-30438614832228996012007-09-03T18:00:00.000-05:002007-09-03T18:00:00.000-05:00And look at the publicity she got from it! It was ...And look at the publicity she got from it! It was apparently on US tv, which is why she ended up with so many comments. That kind of traffic is pure gold from a marketing your blog point of view.<BR/><BR/>Not only that, so many people have linked to it. When I feel like someone is "link baiting" I will not link to it if I can help it, and if I do, I make the link no follow - this week in the think tank Sephy and I are talking about no follow and he'll show you how you can make a simple link no follow in a case like this, where you don't want to be giving that blog your link juice. <BR/><BR/>Checking that specific link on Technorati there are 37 blog reactions to that specific link that I can see - that's 37 more backlinks that get picked up by google and added to page rank, 37 more backlinks which boost a technorati rating - and other things. <BR/><BR/>I dare say none of the people linking to the article wanted the blogger involved to benefit from it, right?<BR/><BR/>I think we all have to stop and think - when it is ok for us to judge, and when is it ok for us not to? I'm with you Julie, I read the post and my judgment is - it was deliberate link baiting done to raise themselves up, get discussion happening, get links back to their blog.<BR/><BR/>But why is my judgment on this occasion ok and her judgment not ok? That's where it starts to get tricky. ;)<BR/><BR/>There's a blogger I know who continually posts controversial things because they have found it gets more views to their blog, more people discussing them. They have turned comments off and basically said - if you want to discuss my blog you have to do it on your blog. That is link baiting for certain. I have no respect for that blogger, and I have no need or desire to read their blog or discuss their controversial viewpoints on my blog either - I think turning comments off is disrespectful to your readers, but maybe it's just me.<BR/><BR/>Snoskred<BR/>http://www.snoskred.org/Snoskredhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12670406702782244306noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-31539567252438681662007-09-03T10:49:00.000-05:002007-09-03T10:49:00.000-05:00Excellent post. I can't think of a single thing to...Excellent post. I can't think of a single thing to add!Cathy, Amy and Kristinahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01472486650115997239noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-84324409359769499932007-09-03T09:38:00.000-05:002007-09-03T09:38:00.000-05:00Gwen, I see what you mean. When you talk about eva...Gwen, I see what you mean. <BR/><BR/>When you talk about evaluating and sharpening your own values...you do this for *yourself.* This, I get and understand. I agree. That we do it in our own head, I concede. As I said, we judge. <BR/><BR/>I just think we need to be conscientious about the fact that it's opinion, not an absolute in right or wrong (which doesn't exist IMO).<BR/><BR/>When people judge themselves right, they find this sense of entitlement to judge others not like them wrong and I think it takes a bad path down from there.<BR/><BR/>My problem occurs when the advice comes with a negative thought assessment---or, more specifically, the assumption that *I* don't know what I'm doing or haven't thought it through. Or, because I am doing it differently than their sense of "right," then I am doing it "wrong."<BR/><BR/>(I admit a psychologist would probably call this a Complex in me, if that's current vocabulary still. I have a serious Complex about this---dealing with it as intensely and frequently as I do. I probably veer too far the other direction, LOL.)<BR/><BR/>As your friend's husband has, John Edwards might come to regret this, or...he might look back fondly on the time as giving their time their all.<BR/><BR/>The respect is that they made their choice for their life, not a judgment of right. KWIM?<BR/><BR/>That's the point at which I step back...you know, have a boundary.<BR/><BR/>Of course I have my own opinion about things/choices/life (what a silly thing to say LOL right on this blog, biggest example of that BWAHAHA).<BR/><BR/>So I sat and thought, why is it okay for me to write this post about my own opinion, in which I judge another person's expression of opinion?<BR/><BR/>Okay if *I'm* honest I think my big problem here is what Snoskred said: I think this person built herself up by tearing down another person.<BR/><BR/>I hated that in high school and I hate it more now. I think it is despicable.<BR/><BR/>And me? I'm judging. ;)Julie Pipperthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03169574697104642479noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-73269559797333960472007-09-03T08:45:00.000-05:002007-09-03T08:45:00.000-05:00This is a hard one for me. I know it's the right ...This is a hard one for me. I know it's the right thing not to judge others, mothers, especially, I suppose. But that doesn't mean I don't do it in the privacy of my head or in conversation with the people who are the very closest to me. I am a great relativist, but even I can't always agree that everything is okay, all the time, as long as it's okay with the decider (well, especially not if the Decider is our Prez). I think the way we use judgment as a tool to sharpen our own sense of value has been discussed here before, so I'll leave it.<BR/><BR/>I'll be honest with my own judgments about Mrs. Edwards: when I heard that she and her husband were continuing their campaign, I felt kind of pissed about <I>his</I> lack of judgment, or disappointed, I suppose. <BR/><BR/>But see, this has to do with my own personal experience, with having just lost a good friend to the disease that EE has, with watching how her husband continued on with his life of travel and work and how much he has regretted it since because she died so much sooner than she was supposed to. At the same time, I wouldn't write a snarky article about it. That's just mean. Like Snoskred said, though, "mean" is a good way to generate attention, as sad as that is.Gwenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12526629366170486737noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-39878557414775517412007-09-03T07:22:00.000-05:002007-09-03T07:22:00.000-05:00snoskred has a great point here. . .snoskred has a great point here. . .Christinehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04662448292809451387noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-62359322703878053602007-09-03T05:08:00.000-05:002007-09-03T05:08:00.000-05:00With stuff like this I always wonder if it is actu...With stuff like this I always wonder if it is actually "link bait" - controversy designed to get a lot of people linking to them. That raises their rankings etc. So they actually make money out of being controversial. :(<BR/><BR/>Snoskred<BR/>http://www.snoskred.org/Snoskredhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12670406702782244306noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-23449193488607980982007-09-02T19:56:00.000-05:002007-09-02T19:56:00.000-05:00I loved hearing your thoughts on this.I loved hearing your thoughts on this.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-56443019474121981532007-09-02T18:46:00.000-05:002007-09-02T18:46:00.000-05:00Well said Julie. Well said.Well said Julie. Well said.Amie Adamshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12317241081653904332noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-939960145831651512007-09-02T17:44:00.000-05:002007-09-02T17:44:00.000-05:00amen, sister. AMEN!amen, sister. AMEN!Christinehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04662448292809451387noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-47297471524298384722007-09-02T15:53:00.000-05:002007-09-02T15:53:00.000-05:00as always, and very thoughtful and heartfelt respo...as always, and very thoughtful and heartfelt response.<BR/><BR/>Right on, sister!painted maypolehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06446625015003854710noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-43388704128331455182007-09-02T15:41:00.000-05:002007-09-02T15:41:00.000-05:00I agree with what you say here, Julie. You just d...I agree with what you say here, Julie. You just don't know what is informing a choice or decision. My darling children have provided me with many, many opportunities to be on the receiving end of that kind of judgement.<BR/><BR/>Just this past Tuesday at soccer practice, it was hot (HOT!!!) and Marley was tired so she gave up and wouldn't go back after the water break. I did what I could to get her to go back. She wouldn't. I was hot (HOT!!) and trying to take care of team mom stuff. I chose to let her sit and let her know what consequences she would have later. One of the other children's grandma was close by and looked at me strangely. <BR/><BR/>"How old is she?" she asked. I thought maybe she was thinking Marley was one of the younger kids and that the practice might be a littlt to much for her. I told her Marley's age, 7.<BR/><BR/>Then she said, "Is she your youngest?" As I automatically said, "Yes," I realized I was being judged. Obviously, my daughter was the youngest and thereby spoiled and used to getting her way. Argh!! I just swallowed it and moved on. Why do anything else in that moment, but how irritating it was.<BR/><BR/>I can't help but think about the Edwards' choice to bring their family with them. Regardless of the why, which is none of my business, I am surprised that someone would talk about that, especially with the Edwards. They had a son who died. The mom is on her second bout with breast cancer. I imagine they have a huge awareness of the precariousness of life.<BR/><BR/>I don't judge the decision of someone who doesn't take their children with them on the campaign trail, either. It is just a situation I can't begin to understand. But c'mon, get some perspective.<BR/><BR/>(This isn't the first controversial crud to come out of the Silicon Valley Mom's Blog--or from one of their bloggers--is it? Wasn't there some sort of PTA racism kerfuffle, too?)Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10270726693980247861noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-161791134777989312007-09-02T15:01:00.000-05:002007-09-02T15:01:00.000-05:00Yes! Thank you for writing this.Yes! Thank you for writing this.Lawyer Mamahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06819273107327846943noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-43669110888331877892007-09-02T14:54:00.000-05:002007-09-02T14:54:00.000-05:00amen!amen!Girlplustwohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07056576921114387218noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-6809733180746244382007-09-02T13:21:00.000-05:002007-09-02T13:21:00.000-05:00I make it apoint of smiling sympathetically or sa...I make it apoint of smiling sympathetically or saying "We have that in our house a lot, too," when some poor parent is dealing with a tantrum in public. I have also held other people's babies while they deal however they like with the older child (short of hitting the child) and I have asked random people to hold Benjamin while I bring the wrath of mom down upon his brother. Those are the kinds of strangers I appreciate. <BR/><BR/>I judge my own mothering plenty without any outside input. Anyone who wants to judge me had better get in line, because I have first dibs.<BR/><BR/>And, Kyla, all our French friends here in London still give their kids bottles well past age three.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-71778168969660545202007-09-02T13:03:00.000-05:002007-09-02T13:03:00.000-05:00Thanks for this post. Y'know, I like Elizabeth Ed...Thanks for this post. Y'know, I like Elizabeth Edwards even more after her response (sadly, I don't feel the same way about her husband, though he's OK).Shttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05602868040771218507noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-71778581471061460022007-09-02T12:37:00.000-05:002007-09-02T12:37:00.000-05:00I think she handled it with considerable grace. Gr...I think she handled it with considerable grace. Great post Julieflutterhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11828689769747130419noreply@blogger.com