tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post8972940124908598717..comments2023-09-29T06:00:09.242-05:00Comments on Julie Pippert: Using My Words: Kids and sex? That question is best directed to me...Julie Pipperthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03169574697104642479noreply@blogger.comBlogger24125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-26396509817958557922008-07-10T15:23:00.000-05:002008-07-10T15:23:00.000-05:00I think the real thing that people are hinting abo...I think the real thing that people are hinting about when they sat that is that girls - teenaged girls - DO need to be protected from predatory adult men, because most of the girls I knew who developed early were instantly targeted (at 12 and 13 and 14, my God) by men in their 20s, and most of them ended up in VERY unhealthy relationships. One of the girls I'm thinking of got pregnant at THIRTEEN with a 27 year old man's child.<BR/><BR/>So it's all very well to talk about healthy, well-adjusted young guys who would never even think of acting like that - and most guys ARE like that - but there ARE guys who behave like sexual predators and there are more of them than we like to think.Beckhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13953517447164263617noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-10618276985467435302008-06-25T13:12:00.000-05:002008-06-25T13:12:00.000-05:00Recently I was shocked into reality by the questio...Recently I was shocked into reality by the question of "how will you handle girls coming on to your son"? Girls today (yes I am like a hundred yrs old now)are sexually aggressive. So really the conversation we had was less about gender and more about who you hang with and not putting yourself in uncomfortable situations.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-57584377367751279712008-06-24T14:35:00.000-05:002008-06-24T14:35:00.000-05:00I dated many boys that were quite the gentlemen in...I dated many boys that were quite the gentlemen in both high school and college, so the whole uncontrolable animal attitude towards boys does bother me too. Add to that the fact that I have all boys and I really take offense. I think building your children's (boys and girls) self esteem is the most important thing in so many aspects. The peer pressure just doesn't affect kids with good self esteems the same way. <BR/><BR/>Lawyer Mama- My hubby said the same thing! :)Kathttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14339665205284492242noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-34416969542697228972008-06-24T05:12:00.000-05:002008-06-24T05:12:00.000-05:00When my father gave me "the talk", I was 15. I wa...When my father gave me "the talk", I was 15. I was going to his ofice with him. We were at a stop light in Baltimore andhe asked me if I had been sexually active... I was shocked, and embarrassed, but I told him "no", which was the truth. He looked at me and said "good!, but if you decide to do something, you'd better wear a rubber"<BR/><BR/>That's it.<BR/><BR/>(I think I'll write something on my blog about this)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-72858104674604517262008-06-23T20:35:00.000-05:002008-06-23T20:35:00.000-05:00I'm with Melissa. I hate that "boys will be boys"...I'm with Melissa. I hate that "boys will be boys" attitude. And speaking as a girl who deflowered more than one virgin as a teenager (Uhhum!) there are a lot of predatory girls out there. (Not that *I* was one, I'm just saying...) My boys are very young, but I'm already dreading those years.<BR/><BR/>When we found out we were having a boy (both times) the hubs was so relieved. He tells everyone that now he only has 2 penises to worry about instead of 200.Lawyer Mamahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06819273107327846943noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-55822166798460946622008-06-23T11:37:00.000-05:002008-06-23T11:37:00.000-05:00Being the mom of boys, I have a slightly different...Being the mom of boys, I have a slightly different perspective on all of this.<BR/><BR/>I hate the fact that our culture gives the ol' wink and nudge to boys to go out there and experiment. It gives some of them a "Well, I'm supposed to do this" mentality. So as they are approaching that age (the oldest is now 10), I am trying to convey that sex is more about respect and love than lust. I'm hoping that by modeling a strong marriage they can see that.<BR/><BR/>And some of the girls I've seen around Stepford are quite predatory. Scary.Melissahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14599462281364463565noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-59223842883466460742008-06-23T09:37:00.000-05:002008-06-23T09:37:00.000-05:00I want my daughter to make smart decisions when it...I want my daughter to make smart decisions when it comes to sex and not fall victim to the whims of lust. I did not necessarily excel at that.......and I want more for her! <BR/><BR/>Oh...and to stay away from sex-crazed boys.....like her father was! (hee-hee)Queen of the Mayhemhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10317309061471274358noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-42368780360114445932008-06-23T07:32:00.000-05:002008-06-23T07:32:00.000-05:00While I would love to say that I will have faith i...While I would love to say that I will have faith in the way I raise my daughter, and trust her judgment, there is a part of me who is always skeptical of others. It's the same part of my brain that says, "Just because YOU know how to drive doesn't mean you're completely safe on the road; you need to be aware of the stupid people who drive too." I will give my daughter some liberty, but I will also watch over her, at least a little, to make sure she's safe.SciFi Dadhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10479890087443823197noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-26388141626682314272008-06-22T10:51:00.000-05:002008-06-22T10:51:00.000-05:00I'm definitely trying to be the open part about bo...I'm definitely trying to be the open part about bodies and sex and love. My kidlet's about to turn five and is full of questions. Watching Dirty Jobs doesn't help -- the castrating the horse episode created all kinds of interesting inquiries. <BR/><BR/>My husband doesn't want to talk about these things. Is, in fact, mortified when they come up. Or when I relay something to him. <BR/><BR/>It comes from our families, I think. My parents were always very open about things. Very easy to talk to and still are. His parents not so much. <BR/><BR/>Seeing that really reinforces, for me, the need to be open and honest about things. And I've already begun the "No one is allowed to touch you if you don't want them to talks" at which my daughter rolls her eyes and says, "I know, Mama."kalirozhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10413769558136831135noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-86105141336034702492008-06-22T09:41:00.000-05:002008-06-22T09:41:00.000-05:00early sex education at home is a big help.check th...early sex education at home is a big help.check this out:http://www.sexualhealthcare.net/Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-5782780800904166792008-06-21T16:10:00.000-05:002008-06-21T16:10:00.000-05:00I think we are conditioning boys to be sexually ag...I think we are conditioning boys to be sexually aggressive in all kinds of ways. <BR/><BR/>Forbidding the show of emotion and the use of a complete vocabulary about feelings with little things like calling them homos when they play with a sister's doll. <BR/><BR/>Combined with social media like the new e*Trade commercial in which a baby boy makes a porn reference about a "bad girl" reading his blackberry. <BR/><BR/>At the same time we condition girls to base their value on whether boys want them or not by inundating them with Princess tales. Will he pick me? <BR/><BR/>By the time they are teenagers and dating there really is a gender divide when it comes to who is "consuming" the other.<BR/><BR/>Over 20% of teens participate in dating domestic violence. <BR/><BR/>Which explains a lot of real anxiety when Daddies laugh about their daughters. <BR/><BR/>I'm so glad to hear that you had a clear sense of self - that really will translate into your daughters having a clear sense of self independent of boys.Tracee Sioux, Sioux Ink: Soul Purpose Publishinghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06511311972798310564noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-85220237387740845142008-06-21T12:05:00.000-05:002008-06-21T12:05:00.000-05:00Flutter's adjustment is true. And painful. Eeek.Bu...Flutter's adjustment is true. And painful. Eeek.<BR/><BR/>But about stereotypes? I think there is some truth to them...not across the board, nothing is ever across the board. But I read stories like the one Flutter just posted...or the millions of others like them and the universality of the experiences shows there is a truthful basis for those sorts of gender based generalizations.<BR/><BR/>But it doesn't make me more or less concerned about either of my kids...I have different concerns for my girl and boy based on their individual personalities, not gender classifications.Kylahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03311014761113076785noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-26841469739925673972008-06-21T09:00:00.000-05:002008-06-21T09:00:00.000-05:00With a 14 year old boy and a soon to 10 year old g...With a 14 year old boy and a soon to 10 year old girl ( who has had a "boy friend" since she was 7)-- and lots of movies and internet EVERYWHERE. We are definitely talking about s-e-x. And I am trying to be the mom who understands and listens and doesn't giggle or judge.<BR/>But I'm not above using the soft pellet rifle, either.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11376100534890229940noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-30224322846124579952008-06-21T02:19:00.000-05:002008-06-21T02:19:00.000-05:00I think we really worry about what affected us mos...I think we really worry about what affected us most during those awkward years - and will probably be the most important things we can teach our children.<BR/><BR/>Because I know that "No" doesn't always work, my child will learn self-defence.<BR/><BR/>I also know how insidious peer pressure can be, and I hope to develop a strong enough relationship with my daughter (I can dream) that she will come to me with any problems.<BR/><BR/>But I also know that V was a teenage boy and I can take his word for the fact that the scowl he is working on perfecting for the boys "who were like him" is effort well spent...jeaniehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17322709527738134797noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-76100230966041726982008-06-20T23:21:00.000-05:002008-06-20T23:21:00.000-05:00Interesting. A year ago I had just my almost five ...Interesting. A year ago I had just my almost five year old girl and now I have her and two grown step-daughters (23 and 25). I don't say much. Just listen. And I am amazed out how little has changed since I was there age.<BR/><BR/>There is nothing you can do to prevent them from falling in love with boys/young men who will make you scratch your head and wonder if you ever knew you daughter at all (best case) or make you bite your tongue until it bleeds rather than say what you really think. Because it doesn't matter. Just like it didn't matter all that much to us. <BR/><BR/>We teach them what we know about love, sex and respect in a relationship. We set an example in our own lives. Ultimately they have to go out into the world and learn for themselves.<BR/><BR/>The fact that there are such double standards yet is telling about how far we have really come.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-51122103245953748902008-06-20T22:04:00.000-05:002008-06-20T22:04:00.000-05:00We talk about pregnancy and abstinence and STDs an...We talk about pregnancy and abstinence and STDs and respect and pregnancy constantly here at the teen ranch. As parents, there's nothing we can do to stop it, but there's no way anyone can say my kids aren't aware of their choices and consequences!Jeff and Charli Leehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13868852480996815442noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-64269006275486428622008-06-20T21:32:00.000-05:002008-06-20T21:32:00.000-05:00I've noticed this too--those questions are always ...I've noticed this too--those questions are always directed at my husband and I'm supposed to stand there, in the background, smiling.<BR/><BR/>My parents didn't talk to me *at all* about those things. I had to learn from other kids, and you can imagine the rich and varied explanations I got from them!Aliki2006https://www.blogger.com/profile/15763865834765963343noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-19327564615372508832008-06-20T17:35:00.000-05:002008-06-20T17:35:00.000-05:00I get this question a lot, and my stock answer, as...I get this question a lot, and my stock answer, as with most fathers, is some hand-waving about a shotgun.<BR/><BR/>Because that's what the people asking the question expect to hear. It's like we're in a Vaudeville act and they do the set up while I deliver the punchline.<BR/><BR/>But I never consider for a second that the answer I give to that question is taken seriously, or that I am supposed to deliver a serious answer. Because the serious answer is a complicated mixture of concern, experience, familiarity with exceptions, and helplessness. It isn't what the Setup Man is really after.<BR/><BR/>So when I am posed this question I take it as a joke, eliciting humor rather than making a statement.<BR/><BR/>But sometimes I'll give the serious answer, complicated as it is in its content, and simple as it is in its expression.<BR/><BR/>I will "deal" with my daughter and boys by raising a woman.Backpacking Dadhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02498905428420679901noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-60216317876507499742008-06-20T15:47:00.000-05:002008-06-20T15:47:00.000-05:00This post is very timely, Julie. I have been naggi...This post is very timely, Julie. I have been nagging Mike to have 'the talk' with Christopher for weeks now. We are on the cusp of innocent girlfriendery. My experience is that girls are much more aware at a younger age than boys - my boy anyway. The girls are calling, msn-ing and texting like crazy. Christopher llikes the attention, but you can tell he doesn't really know what to do about it. That'll change, of course, hence the need for the 'talk'. <BR/><BR/>I am also aware of the stereotypes we so often use when it comes to male and female sexuality. And I had to laugh when I read your line about vetting any and all potential boyfriends. My thoughts were along the same line as flutter's - your girls are clever. They'll find a way! Scary, isn't it?<BR/><BR/>Heidi <BR/><BR/>PS: Thanks for that link on my blog today. Very insightful indeed. I'm still horrified, though.Family Adventurehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00093360285075029799noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-44123678498370824682008-06-20T14:23:00.000-05:002008-06-20T14:23:00.000-05:00well, actually let's be clear:your girls will neve...well, actually let's be clear:<BR/><BR/>your girls will never date any boy that you haven't met- THAT YOU KNOW OF.flutterhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11828689769747130419noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-39489134695469129422008-06-20T13:55:00.000-05:002008-06-20T13:55:00.000-05:00I too have asked this question of friends whose gi...I too have asked this question of friends whose girls are hitting the dating age. Your post really made me stop and think. As a mother of two daughters I dread that age, at least somewhat. So far, neither of them shows any signs of being shrinking violets so I don't really worry that they'll let themselves be walked on. What is it that gives me pause? Is it just a societal norm? Interesting...Jennyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04725549451973770515noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-84210719365995556152008-06-20T12:12:00.000-05:002008-06-20T12:12:00.000-05:00I worry more about raising boys to be respectful o...I worry more about raising boys to be respectful of women than I do about teaching a girl to say "no." I feel it is an awesome responsibility to raise sons who are the kind of men you would want near your daughters.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-86373142341237006392008-06-20T11:03:00.000-05:002008-06-20T11:03:00.000-05:00My mother's ignorance about sex was exceeded only ...My mother's ignorance about sex was exceeded only by her acute shame over having to use real terms. She used a lot of "up there" and "down there" when referring the genitalia. She didn't ever answer our questions when we first began to ask them because she firmly believed that there was a certain time in life when people were ready to know something and just because they asked a question about it didn't mean that this was the time. That's why, when my baby sister asked her what a virgin was, she told her it was soil that had never been farmed before. Baggage, you ask? Yes...plenty.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-41079842286829843382008-06-20T10:47:00.000-05:002008-06-20T10:47:00.000-05:00I think that I suffered slightly from the "If you ...I think that I suffered slightly from the "If you want to talk about this, you can ask my anything, but it has to be in my bedroom behind closed doors" policy in my mom's house. I stopped talking to her and asked my sisters because I could do it any time.le35https://www.blogger.com/profile/03897932629532339487noreply@blogger.com