tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post3547199736835789456..comments2023-09-29T06:00:09.242-05:00Comments on Julie Pippert: Using My Words: The impatience of PatienceJulie Pipperthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03169574697104642479noreply@blogger.comBlogger16125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-86876589964513245602007-06-12T20:36:00.000-05:002007-06-12T20:36:00.000-05:00So interesting. My child is younger, but I occasi...So interesting. My child is younger, but I occasionally see flashes of "other" behavior that is odd to me - flashes of "mean girl", flashes of "princess". Mostly she's charming and sweet and devilish, but other kids sometimes bring out an unpleasant side.Magpiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15460136246441367993noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-88050430757567927982007-06-11T10:12:00.000-05:002007-06-11T10:12:00.000-05:00Julie, Thanks for this. As you know, I struggle wi...Julie, <BR/>Thanks for this. As you know, I struggle with many of these issues. Miss M is very affectionate to me but is downright mean to just about everyone else. I know that in a few years she will be in Patience's shoes b/c I cannot imagine her wanting more than one best friend at a time (I hope she chooses wisely) and that will mean her wanting to love that person to the exclusion of all others. She can already give all and sundry the hairy eyeball. Oy. <BR/><BR/>You've hit the nail on the head of the problem, though. We can try all we want to protect their boundaties and to mitigate their rudeness but in the end we simply have to wait for them to gain the maturity to understand the lessons we keep trying to teach. ... and that'll be about the time the sting of peer pressure sets in. Your persistence will pay off eventually.<BR/><BR/>Great picture, btw. Oh, how I know that look.Madhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13416585771017767796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-65726401629672356292007-06-10T10:47:00.000-05:002007-06-10T10:47:00.000-05:00All...thanks so much for your wonderful comments. ...All...thanks so much for your wonderful comments. You gave some great ideas and good feedback, plus support. I have a lot to ponder on this, but wanted to say thanks. :)Julie Pipperthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03169574697104642479noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-50952050803503601902007-06-08T12:39:00.000-05:002007-06-08T12:39:00.000-05:00I'm sorry you're in this uncomfortable place. Cha...I'm sorry you're in this uncomfortable place. Charlotte also has a BFF like this, but Charlotte isn't prone to attach herself only to her. She's the kid who has to be told NOT to hug everyone. Still, her BFF is constantly trying to manipulate Chash into playing if not only with her then at least her games exactly the way she decides they must be (and I mean EXACTLY). When these conditions aren't met "Claire" refuses to play at all. The thing is, I WISH her parents would do something about it. They just kind of laugh it off, Oh that's just Claire. And then, b/c Claire is our neighbor and in/at our house all the time, I find myself in the awkward position of trying to figure out how to protect the children Claire is hurting with her Mean Girl games while not overstepping my bounds as just a neighbor mom. It's frustrating. We talk to Charlotte all the time about being a good friend, choosing the right kind of friends, etc. but the proximity of Claire makes all of that moot. I dread junior high with this girl, honestly.<BR/><BR/>NOT to make this all about me. Just know that you're not alone in your struggle and that many of us are working on teaching our children the right truths about friendship and that it's a process. Patience will work it out, I feel confident, because you are actively involved in helping her do so.Gwenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12526629366170486737noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-32607254385075848262007-06-07T08:32:00.000-05:002007-06-07T08:32:00.000-05:00My daughter shows signs of being a bit like Patien...My daughter shows signs of being a bit like Patience. She's been sensitive about who touches her, hugs her, even looks at her since birth. I can desensitize a fearful dog (most of the time) but a sensitive child is a whole other animal entirely. :)<BR/><BR/>It sounds like you and your husband are doing all the right things in regards to the "mean girl" issue. That can't be easy, Julie, I admire you for how much care and thought you're obviously putting into your kids. That may sound silly but others might just put their head in the sand and wait for the problem to work itself out.Chicky Chicky Babyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18056206889322232109noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-85392917162663461342007-06-06T20:14:00.000-05:002007-06-06T20:14:00.000-05:00So is the idea that we do the hump day thing you ...So is the idea that we do the hump day thing you suggested but post it next wednesday? I probably won't get to it til later this week or next anyway, so no prob either way. <BR/>Signed, <BR/>a confused newbieChristinehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04662448292809451387noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-88615243778895474882007-06-06T18:51:00.000-05:002007-06-06T18:51:00.000-05:00I do not envy you your task. Marley has been on t...I do not envy you your task. Marley has been on the periphery of a group of girls, three total, who together are quite a formidable force in the classroom. Sometimes they include her, sometimes they don't. I know that even within their gang of three they bicker and take turns leaving another one out. The moms have been beside themselves dealing with it.<BR/><BR/>On another note, I like the idea of having a week's notice on the Wednesday posts. Thanks!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10270726693980247861noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-71977156741853999862007-06-06T14:14:00.000-05:002007-06-06T14:14:00.000-05:00Great post and what you're doing with Patience is ...Great post and what you're doing with Patience is wonderful. I hated forced physical intimacy as a child too. It's a personality thing and it's wonderful that you let Patience have her boundaries.<BR/><BR/>I also think you're right to intervene with Patience and her BFF. That sort of behavior may start out as a protective, instinctual thing, but it then becomes a learned habit. And she'll be hurt even more by others' reactions to her in what was probably initially an attempt to protect herself.<BR/><BR/>Ah, you're a great mom for worrying about her so.Lawyer Mamahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06819273107327846943noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-88830332686156124522007-06-06T13:42:00.000-05:002007-06-06T13:42:00.000-05:00You are a wise mother and a beautiful writer. Gre...You are a wise mother and a beautiful writer. Great post.<BR/><BR/>My daughter is very physically affectionate. Almost to the point where I think it's aggression. She's big for her age and can topple an unsuspecting adult with her hugs. I wonder if people think I ignore her in favor of her little brother, she sometimes acts so "needy" with almost total strangers.<BR/><BR/>There are times, though, when she acts as though she can only love her favorite person (99% of the time, moi). After she has spent a wonderful day with her Gram and I come to pick her up, she turns into a complete mean-britches to her Gram in order to make up for her "betrayal" to me. I observed this behavior come (and go!) with her cousin, who is 3 years older.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-24309115038780386322007-06-06T13:35:00.001-05:002007-06-06T13:35:00.001-05:00Beautiful and sensitive post. Liam has been at th...Beautiful and sensitive post. Liam has been at the other end of a Mean Girl at his school all year, actually, and we've spent so much time trying to explain to him that she is most likely not just mean but that there are more complex thoughts/fears (?) going on and that he needs to be patient and understanding.<BR/><BR/>Kids are all so different--sometimes wired so differently from us. It sounds like you're doing just what you need to do--let her be herself.Aliki2006https://www.blogger.com/profile/15763865834765963343noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-74634839455262705282007-06-06T13:35:00.000-05:002007-06-06T13:35:00.000-05:00This was a great post. My girl has two little fri...This was a great post. <BR/><BR/>My girl has two little friends who are not at all into physical affection or lots of hugs, etc. I have taught my daughter to respect their boundaries and always ask for before giving a hug. I have learned, too, that a simple "hi" and smile is enough and that getting in their face and asking a million questions or trying to hug them is too, too much. I also tell my own kids that giving hugs, etc. is not mandatory. They do what they are comfortable with, but a "hello" and "goodbye" is always expected.<BR/><BR/>And, like k, i think it is great that you are teaching her how to be kind and respectful. You could, as you noted, stand back and let her learn from the consequences. But sometimes those consequences come about through other's pain? KWIM? I am not implying that Patience wold hurt anyone, but i know parents with a blanket "let them work it out on their own" philosophy. This works in lots of cases, but if i see my kid being mean in any way to someone else, even unintentionally, i am going to take the time to correct them, teach them, and discipline if necessary (ie time out or loss of a privilege like tv). I never want to see my kids hurt someone else. I have seen parents simply stand there while their kids are being mean or fighting and they simply say, "let them work it out." Uhhh, what??? In order to prevent injury both emotional and physical we HAVE to tell them when their behavior is hurtful; that is how they learn.<BR/><BR/>Julie, i can just tell you are an awesome mother to these girls. With you to guide her she'll be just fine.<BR/><BR/>There is a great book out there called "raising your spirited child" by mary sheedy kurcinka that addresses some of these issue. It is a great for all types of sensitive kids.Christinehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04662448292809451387noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-3286490373072370802007-06-06T12:34:00.000-05:002007-06-06T12:34:00.000-05:00Wonderful post.Big A is going through this; once e...Wonderful post.<BR/><BR/>Big A is going through this; once exuberant in her affection, now the shy girl in the corner, pointing her toe out. With her momma wondering whether to drag her onto the floor or take her a stool to sit on with her favorite book to read.Ms. Skywalkerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01611709391769911868noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-92214346249647842052007-06-06T11:41:00.000-05:002007-06-06T11:41:00.000-05:00I've snuck back on the computer to get a quick Jul...I've snuck back on the computer to get a quick Julie fix. I think that you are right to intervene. Children do need to be taught, they don't actually learn everything by osmosis. We sometimes assume that they will imitate us or apply the rules generally, but they don't. We have to point out the connections for them. I keep trying to learn that children take a long time to change behaviors. It's often a constant correcting and correcting and correcting. My hope is that eventually it will take in the end. <BR/><BR/>I have known many children that are not affectionate in a traditional sense. I admit that I want to hug them so badly, but I don't. Children like your Patience have taught me patience-and you have no idea how resistant I am to that lesson.Khttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09427175530813402719noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-12800279050074129922007-06-06T09:58:00.000-05:002007-06-06T09:58:00.000-05:00This one hit me hard, Julie. I fell in with a mea...This one hit me hard, Julie. I fell in with a mean girl for a time until she suddenly, shockingly, viciously turned on me. Just because she could. I hope you can withdraw Patience from her "BFF"'s influence, somehow. I wish I knew how.<BR/><BR/>As for Patience's personality (which reminds me of Ben's, except that for Ben PDAs aren't averse but more like an afterthought; he's not prickly but absentminded), you sound like you're incredibly sensitive to the person she is and will be. Kudos to you.Shttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05602868040771218507noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-43485961076303089292007-06-06T09:54:00.000-05:002007-06-06T09:54:00.000-05:00Oh, Julie, this made me cry. Seriously.My adventu...Oh, Julie, this made me cry. Seriously.<BR/><BR/>My adventurer is much more overt in her affection and her love of everything -- perhaps a natural born Buddhist? ;) -- but there are moments, oh there are moments, when I have no idea where this child came from or why she's behaving this way.<BR/><BR/>We don't force her to give physical affection, either. She will when she warms up to you ... but if she doesn't want to, we try not to push it.<BR/><BR/>Her preschool actually as a name for this "The Feelies". If a kid gets too close to another they basically say, "Back off X you're giving me the Feelies".<BR/><BR/>I don't know what to tell you about what's going on with Patience. She seems like the kind of child that, if you put too many restrictions on her, she'll just withdraw further. Know what I mean?<BR/><BR/>I'm sorry, Julie. I wish I had magic words of wisdom.kalirozhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10413769558136831135noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-18741706569703939072007-06-06T09:22:00.000-05:002007-06-06T09:22:00.000-05:00This is a wonderful post.. and it's so good that y...This is a wonderful post.. and it's so good that you recognize Patience as a separate human being and allow room for her to be who she is. I was never one for overt displays of affection, either. Patience makes sense to me there. It did feel very violating to have adults telling me that I *had* to show physical affection. <BR/><BR/>Definitely a no-no with kids! It reinforces exactly what you stated, that their bodies are not their own. <BR/><BR/>The Mean Girl stuff... wow... I can't imagine where she would get that. I do hope you are able to get her away from that kind of behavior which will never serve her well! <BR/><BR/><BR/><BR/>Peace, <BR/><BR/>~Chanithailandchanihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10171731740204067889noreply@blogger.com