tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post4632644966848497108..comments2023-09-29T06:00:09.242-05:00Comments on Julie Pippert: Using My Words: Me Talk Big One Day (A Hump Day Hmm for 2-20-2008)Julie Pipperthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03169574697104642479noreply@blogger.comBlogger35125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-48044472848469370082008-02-23T04:05:00.000-06:002008-02-23T04:05:00.000-06:00Ahhh, I should have done this Hump Day challenge.....Ahhh, I should have done this Hump Day challenge... <BR/><BR/>Scenario 1. I am well familiar with. It happened to me all the time growing up, because I never fit in, and I still see it all the time because I'm always 'the new' person... sigh. I suppose I'm lucky that my childhood prepared for me this in a way, because I refuse to cave and be like them just to get an invite.<BR/><BR/>Scenario 2. Drives me nuts. Playgroups are supposed to be about the kids, too, and why should kids with SAHDs or dads who want to be involved in their kids lives get screwed out of socializing because some mommies want to exclude the dads. Pisses me off. Makes me think that these moms have a double standard: they want dads to be involved, but only on their terms.<BR/><BR/>Scenario 3: Drives me nuts, too. I'd fire them... plenty of cleaning competitors out there. Hell, doing it myself would be easier than watching someone take my money and not do anything!<BR/><BR/>Scenario 4: Service has gone down the tubes in so many places. They really just don't care. I don't get it.ewe are herehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13339650361453626546noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-79949654935996768422008-02-21T23:16:00.000-06:002008-02-21T23:16:00.000-06:00ooo - that first one gets me all the time.ooo - that first one gets me all the time.Wayfarer Scientistahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07996334636311497271noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-82590781366553814862008-02-21T18:37:00.000-06:002008-02-21T18:37:00.000-06:00I didn't do this one because I either genuinely do...I didn't do this one because I either genuinely don't get worked up by this stuff, or I don't get in the situations in the first place. People make plans without me-they're rude, but I don't get that upset. I'd prefer to not be invited that to be invited to something that no one wants me at.<BR/><BR/>Groups of women-I try to stay away from those IRL. And I'd just quit if that happened.<BR/><BR/>Companies though-if they piss me off-I let them know and shop somewhere else.thordorahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04162106158955358865noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-36546966906292636132008-02-21T09:29:00.000-06:002008-02-21T09:29:00.000-06:00I'm too soft. My coworkers call me a doormat.But ...I'm too soft. My coworkers call me a doormat.<BR/><BR/>But someone has to be, you know? If the whole world was full of people who weren't afraid to speak their minds with no one to just nod while secretly thinking "You are a dumbass" then the whole world would collapse.<BR/><BR/>I may have missed the point here.<BR/><BR/>Are my comments always the stupidest ones here? Because it totally feels that way.Jenny, the Bloggesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13718481135182612620noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-83468838136900598202008-02-21T06:11:00.000-06:002008-02-21T06:11:00.000-06:00I think a lot of people (often including myself) c...I think a lot of people (often including myself) can be like Suz - talk big game to their friends but back down in real situations - but I keep feeling reminded of <I>You've Got Mail</I> when I read that. Meg Ryan's character always wished she could speak up, only once she did she felt bad about it. There's a reason people don't speak out, and it's often their conscience as much as anything. They don't want to be rude and feel guilty for it later. The problem is, all too often it is the people they're worried about being rude to who are already being rude. It's not always true, but it very often is the case, and calmly expressing displeasure with someone being rude (in the friends' or professional settings) or providing poor service (in the professional settings) can get the point across without returning the enmity.Roberthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04826309601023733396noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-20947133859246502722008-02-20T23:30:00.000-06:002008-02-20T23:30:00.000-06:00i tried to come up with a good way to answer this ...i tried to come up with a good way to answer this but i found myself projecting instead of getting it clear. weird, that, so i stopped and went back to reading.Girlplustwohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07056576921114387218noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-86353484933800615652008-02-20T21:46:00.000-06:002008-02-20T21:46:00.000-06:00I was planning to answer these, but my answers sta...I was planning to answer these, but my answers started getting more and more complex. To boil it down, I talk a big game to my friends, but have a hard time using my words when faced with an actual confrontation.Suzhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14382885000205172615noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-3417256367375207822008-02-20T21:30:00.000-06:002008-02-20T21:30:00.000-06:00I'm learning to speak out more now that I'm older ...I'm learning to speak out more now that I'm older but, as you will see in the post I wrote, it's still very much a work in progress.<BR/><BR/>Sigh.Aliki2006https://www.blogger.com/profile/15763865834765963343noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-86165181388031548662008-02-20T20:02:00.000-06:002008-02-20T20:02:00.000-06:00Julie these posts you inspired have been very inte...Julie these posts you inspired have been very interesting reads.<BR/><BR/>I think I was similar to you and spoke out more when I was younger. I am trying to find a balance between saying what is right and saying it in a way people will hear what I am saying.I'd never heard of Flashpan anger but I do think it an apt description. <BR/><BR/>Those maids totally deserve to be fired but I too have to back down on those fights when I know I don't have the strength to fight it to the end and once I have started I don't know how to stop.moplanshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16998309937928231527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-12925541244502547152008-02-20T17:19:00.000-06:002008-02-20T17:19:00.000-06:00I agree with Chani--how you say what you need to s...I agree with Chani--how you say what you need to say makes all the difference. I feel honored, in many ways, when people express their displeasure with me. It makes me feel good that people feel they can be honest...that they value our relationship enough to let me know where I've misstepped, so I can repair the damage. And when I confront others with in a similar fashion and my concerns fall on defensive ears or a closed mind? It often makes me realize that the person I'm confronting doesn't really value our relationship as much as I need or want them to.....because I usually try to be kind. Um. Yeah. Usually.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-26445970290424897622008-02-20T17:00:00.000-06:002008-02-20T17:00:00.000-06:00I started writing a post, then it just wouldn't co...I started writing a post, then it just wouldn't come out right. I've learned to speak my truth, with compassion, and also to not take much personally, even when it's meant personally. I just don't mess around with the head games... on my good days. lol Life's too short for bullshit. I think most non-invites are just forgotten, not personal shafts. I have no problem inviting myself or kids somewhere if something's going on. If the vibe is that it *is* personal, we talk about it. My friends and I all value honesty, even when it hurts.<BR/><BR/>I've completely changed how I deal with customer service stuff since reading this article:<BR/>http://tinyurl.com/33pka6 about using jedi mind-control on CSRs. I've used her method twice, and each time got what I wanted. Even though I was shaking, and re-reading the article while I was on the phone!<BR/><BR/>Even though I'm from the south, I think my attitude is *not* southern. But people who prevaricate and hide things (agendas, feelings) and I just don't... mix. Who has time? Life is NOW.<BR/><BR/>Well, dang - guess I wrote my post here.dharmamamahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04300114394099599509noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-75904930137086286352008-02-20T16:52:00.000-06:002008-02-20T16:52:00.000-06:00I say I'm sorry when the situation calls for it, b...I say I'm sorry when the situation calls for it, but I don't say it just to grease the wheels. I say more of what's on my mind as I get older than I ever have before.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-28639858377400744242008-02-20T15:49:00.000-06:002008-02-20T15:49:00.000-06:00I am similar to you in this way. Most of the time...I am similar to you in this way. Most of the time I try to use humor to bring up touchy situations. Unless it is a bad service provider situation. Those really make me angry. I remain calm for as long as possible. If the manager just apologizes and takes care of it, fine. I'm happy. But if nothing is done, someone will get a piece of my mind. It comes from working in the customer service industry for too long. :)<BR/>Great post!Kathttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14339665205284492242noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-89810978697814154962008-02-20T15:34:00.000-06:002008-02-20T15:34:00.000-06:00Man...you better be right about the "I'm sorry"or ...Man...you better be right about the "I'm sorry"or I am just screwed.<BR/><BR/>But ya know...I'm glad I said what I said. I meant every word. The only thing I'm sorry about is the way she found out, not what I said. She needs to know how she acts affects others.Melissahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14599462281364463565noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-31271155434162091612008-02-20T14:40:00.000-06:002008-02-20T14:40:00.000-06:00I'm not even sure it's a question of what we say.....I'm not even sure it's a question of what we say.. but how we say it.. and the reasons we say it.thailandchanihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10171731740204067889noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-32510888359973295772008-02-20T14:13:00.000-06:002008-02-20T14:13:00.000-06:00It's funny, but as I get older (especially the las...It's funny, but as I get older (especially the last few years), I have become just the opposite -- tending to say just exactly what I think about a situation, even if it's not the most proper or courteous thing to do.<BR/><BR/>I'm just tired -- tired of being the nice girl and staying quiet and letting people ignore me or my feelings. Even in my marriage, and while it makes me feel good on a certain level and make me feel more true to myself, I wonder if I'm doing damage to important relationships??PunditMomhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12919969826505761593noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-2116185108396149032008-02-20T14:07:00.000-06:002008-02-20T14:07:00.000-06:00You know, that is exactly how I am. If someone ju...You know, that is exactly how I am. If someone just fesses up and apologizes instead of trying to shift blame or getting all defensive, they'll keep my business. Otherwise, bye bye. And I'm not shy about telling them that. That's my problem. Sometimes I should just quietly go away and I can never do it. Injustice, however small and petty it may be, always gets my goat.Lawyer Mamahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06819273107327846943noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-78151453890344835152008-02-20T13:39:00.000-06:002008-02-20T13:39:00.000-06:00I took a totally different approach on the topic, ...I took a totally different approach on the topic, mostly because I already had my post written and it sort of fit today's topic!<BR/><BR/>But on the customer service thing...My mother-in-law will tell you that even the bad customer service she gets here is better than what she got living in France. She once went to a store to buy an aluminum pot for something. It was on a top shelf, and she needed someone to get it down for her. Once she found someone who could be pried away from their very important work of looking bored, she showed them what she needed. They got the pot only after giving her a disdainful look and telling her that NO ONE cooks in aluminum pots. You'd think they didn't want the money they would make from selling it. Anyway, my MIL is a woman who uses her words well, all the time, and she let them (and probably a lot of other poor French people) know exactly how she felt about it. I think she walked out of the store without buying the pot. She gets in trouble with her mouth, but sometimes I wish I could be more like her and less of a conflict avoider.TwoSquareMealshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01000292109449832461noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-7805546814649500442008-02-20T13:38:00.000-06:002008-02-20T13:38:00.000-06:00I get your reaction to #1, but I would be done wit...I get your reaction to #1, but I would be done with the whole thing in 30 seconds. That's progress, right?<BR/><BR/>And speaking of sharp tongues, I was going through some old letters that my mom saved from my childhood: ooh, I am quite the charmer.Gwenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12526629366170486737noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-47856628319801473962008-02-20T13:26:00.000-06:002008-02-20T13:26:00.000-06:00So tough about scenario #1, I have been in the sit...So tough about scenario #1, I have been in the situation you described in your last post, two other Moms discussing a party that didn't include my daughter, I said nothing,felt sad and analyzed it to death, went through a whole range of emotions. My daughter's reaction,she was fine with it. Did I mention she's much more mature than I am(she's 10)<BR/>It's amazing how much a sincere "I'm sorry" or acknowledgement of injustice, error or ineptitude can do, especially with customer service reps and colleagues.Angelahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03298099759296161682noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-86310154148480942832008-02-20T11:51:00.000-06:002008-02-20T11:51:00.000-06:00I also noticed the I'm sorry thing in my last job....I also noticed the I'm sorry thing in my last job. I was placed on probation for not meeting a standard. I was upset and verbal about it because I didn't believe the numbers. It took two weeks to get the numbers for me to verify the truth. I wasn't meeting the standard. I sincerely apologized and went back to work. That apology changed my life. <BR/><BR/>The manager and the supervisor were both shocked when I turned in my resignation a few weeks later. Frankly, so was I.<BR/><BR/>My apology brought to light the fact that I wasn't apologizing to keep my job. I was apologizing because I was wrong. Wrong to stay in a job in which I found no pleasure in doing. Wrong to only be using the job just to get the paycheck and wrong to be keeping myself in a place in which I had become disenchanted.<BR/><BR/>It is amazing what a sincere apology can do.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-42048136776805458842008-02-20T11:48:00.000-06:002008-02-20T11:48:00.000-06:00I think maturity brings both the understanding of ...I think maturity brings both the understanding of when it is best to engage the 'social filter' and be less outspoken, but also the confidence at certain times to stand up and speak out against something that isn't right.<BR/><BR/>I do it both ways, and wrote about them on my own post today. <BR/><BR/>We have some similarities in how we handle these situations.<BR/><BR/>Off to read everyone else's contributions.Anniehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07387168103798629268noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-4114547361250832792008-02-20T11:19:00.000-06:002008-02-20T11:19:00.000-06:00Julie, something on one of the responders today re...Julie, something on one of the responders today reminded me of a case where Using My Words really cost me, so I had to contribute a second post. I know I've done that twice, but your topics are just engaging. I've enjoyed all the posts I've read so far today.Roberthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04826309601023733396noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-74273595719662013802008-02-20T10:42:00.000-06:002008-02-20T10:42:00.000-06:00I have noticed the "I'm sorry" thing. It actually...I have noticed the "I'm sorry" thing. It actually shocks people when I admit wrongdoing.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-71805932673550037152008-02-20T10:16:00.000-06:002008-02-20T10:16:00.000-06:00I read a book last weekend called "Predictably Irr...I read a book last weekend called "Predictably Irrational" that touches on the difference between social-norm relationships and market-norm relationships, and why it is we act so differently in the former than the latter. So no, I don't think it's strange at all--it sounds normal to me. :)<BR/><BR/>But don't get the book. It was generally not worth it. Library, or paperback; preferably library.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com