tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post5032167329445789554..comments2023-09-29T06:00:09.242-05:00Comments on Julie Pippert: Using My Words: Bearer of Bad Tidings: When should you take the risk and tell a boss about a difficult coworker?Julie Pipperthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03169574697104642479noreply@blogger.comBlogger11125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-79142194852592010852010-02-24T14:08:47.404-06:002010-02-24T14:08:47.404-06:00Ed, I've had limited success with confronting,...Ed, I've had limited success with confronting, even in a "productive" way. I've had far, far more success focusing on doing my own good job and waiting for what is probably usually a temporary kink to work out. When it's not, I have to find a workaround.<br /><br />One time I did follow appropriate channels of dealing openly and correctly with a problem (sexual harassment) with the worst consequence. I am cautious now in my trust of HR, protocol or policy again.<br /><br />It's probably why I never castigated Judy for what she did or didn't do.<br /><br />I don't know what to attribute this to, honestly. I know some say it's taking away the wrong lesson, or not doing it right, or something along those lines.<br /><br />Again, it usually works best IME to focus on doing your own good job and watch -- it usually smooths back out.Julie Pipperthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03169574697104642479noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-88874315657023418702010-02-24T14:02:18.735-06:002010-02-24T14:02:18.735-06:00BTW, one thing I forgot mention had to do with the...BTW, one thing I forgot mention had to do with the whole "it is hard to confront" thing. Yeah, it's hard. My current boss can't believe that people have problems going though our ombuds and conflict-resolution processes. I don't know about others - well, actually I do. When you have a lot of time invested in a job (I have 30+ years in mine), you tend to get more than a little gun-shy with open conflict, as it is often perceived as "playing office politics" and seen as a career-limiting move. Esp. as one gets older, one places a lot of value in the job one has, and the possibility of putting said job in jeopardy tends to make one very nervous indeed. Hence, the reference to antacids in my previous comment.<br /><br />~EdT.Ed T.https://www.blogger.com/profile/05901818490442310728noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-69223289649865231652010-02-24T13:52:08.811-06:002010-02-24T13:52:08.811-06:00Ooh, this one doesn't look like a lot of fun. ...Ooh, this one doesn't look like a lot of fun. For years, I wondered how my mother could *ever* let herself be used as a doormat by a co-worker/boss. Later on (after her passing), I had the "pleasure" (or not) of experiencing what she went through first-hand. Needless to say, after doing so I have a far deeper appreciation of just why it is that some folks can "go postal" (though I don't condone such activities.) I survived that "era", but to be quite honest I came out more than a little damaged and gun-shy (metaphorically speaking), and have honed my sense of snark as a self-defense measure (some would say passive-aggressively so.)<br /><br />I truly don't know what would happen if I were put in a position of having to work with/for the person involved again, nor what I would do if I ever met up with the person who my mother had to deal with (this is really difficult, as my mother worked for a church, and I can't help but run into some of those folks from time to time. As you said, it's a small world after all.) I do know that the possibility did raise its ugly head once (during a reorg, the possibility of returning to work with/for this person was mentioned), and I spent far too many $$$ on antacids to keep my stomach under control.<br /><br />~EdT.Ed T.https://www.blogger.com/profile/05901818490442310728noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-90240716930654967772010-02-23T10:17:12.077-06:002010-02-23T10:17:12.077-06:00Here's the good thing about being slightly age...Here's the good thing about being slightly aged: you have this long perspective that what goes around comes around. For everyone, self included lol.<br /><br />So in my experience, maybe you don't see the consequence but if you go along doing your best and maintaining a good rep on your own, that's the best thing (best revenge lol). <br /><br />I guess a year isn't a long term view per se, but back when a sort of slightly similar thing happened to me (which is why I think this is such an interesting situation -- I figure we can universally relate) although it was a colleague not any kind of boss or leader...I did end up moving on (for many reasons) but without ever directly confronting the person and eventually, yes, people saw the situation for what it was.<br /><br />It's funny -- for each situation I can think of that in any way relates to this general theme, it seems as if about a year elapses. Weird. Also OT but just this point that occurred to me.<br /><br />So, Judy...keep your mind on your driving and your hands on the wheel (and I know you know what song I'm quoting there lol).Julie Pipperthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03169574697104642479noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-70449749265623695752010-02-23T08:52:25.066-06:002010-02-23T08:52:25.066-06:00Kat, Judy is thinking of coming by lol. She said s...Kat, Judy is thinking of coming by lol. She said she did discuss her POV and expressed disagreement to Anne. She said her only regret was not stealing my line of, "Why do you want to do that?" and put Anne on the explanation hot seat. Lol. She admitted she did spend too much effort trying to smooth over and avoid confrontation. I said I thought she had a lot she wished she had done differently but hindsight is 20/20 and to focus more on now, by which I mean let that past go. <br /><br />Which brings up Annies point. Yes my default advice was nose to grindstone and don't borrow trouble. <br /><br />JulieAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-77152313748693309372010-02-22T23:38:30.439-06:002010-02-22T23:38:30.439-06:00Judy should breath and just do her job instead of ...Judy should breath and just do her job instead of assuming that her new boss is too stupid to see through Anne as she has or to assume that no one at her former workplace saw through Anne.<br /><br />Some people just skate through life without visible consequences for their actions despite the fact that they are fooling no one.<br /><br />This is a new job and a new day and nothing "bad" has happened yet. Panicking in advance is probably not the best plan.<br /><br />If one of my employees came to me with tales about a potential new hire (and if the industry is truly that small - I already know these stories) I would not be pleased. It's middle school behavior and has no place (though I know it happens) in the workplace.<br /><br />Judy seems poised to try to micromanage in her own way when she should just let her work speak for her. If Anne is hired and starts up her old tricks, then it's time to confront, until then, she is making trouble where none currently exists. jmoAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-56606607290938193142010-02-22T22:10:25.208-06:002010-02-22T22:10:25.208-06:00Julie...I'm sure I would have a different opin...Julie...I'm sure I would have a different opinion if it seemed as if Judy had confronted the situation in some way. I know it can be hard for a lot of people (me included!) to confront. It's just not comfortable. Don't feel badly, it's a really well-written post! Just the perspective I got of Judy is that everything was going on in her head, but she never said anything. If that were true, that kind of person can be as hard to work with as Anne is because you never know how they really feel about anything.Kathttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18254181459688488318noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-53986079053577747362010-02-22T21:22:03.776-06:002010-02-22T21:22:03.776-06:00I can understand it, as I lived it to a degree in ...I can understand it, as I lived it to a degree in 2 instances in a previous career.<br /><br />One of them I felt I could speak out as he was so OTT about it - but the boss who was my "best mate" and so sweet but whiteanting - that is hard.<br /><br />I have no advice - I left the industry - but best luck to your friend finding a way to use her voice. Perhaps she could request not to be in direct line of command with this woman - or if not possible, another manager be bcc'd on all information so the workflow could be monitored...?jeaniehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17322709527738134797noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-54848112521938917772010-02-22T21:00:13.277-06:002010-02-22T21:00:13.277-06:00I just re-read and I see I just kept asking her &q...I just re-read and I see I just kept asking her "and then what happened?" I feel so badly like I left who Judy is out of the story.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-19669165304225941882010-02-22T20:51:59.747-06:002010-02-22T20:51:59.747-06:00Hmm Kat. I'm in a tough spot on the choices Ju...Hmm Kat. I'm in a tough spot on the choices Judy made. I didn't ask what she said to Anne in the meeting and I wonder what difference that would have made here. I didn't get the sense she was soooo passive as I made it sound, apparently. My bad. I don't know if I can get her to reply though I have permission to report the story to ask what she should do. Also I can say this isn't par for the course with her. I think what I took away was her genuine dismay that it didn't seem to matter what she said or Anne did and that's ultimately why she left. I told her I wasn't so sure Anne was there seriously interviewing but then I'm not there so it's hard to say and I've been out of the office and that industry for a while so the politics, well I felt a little distanced. But you make a lot of good points. I'll try to get her to read and reply. <br /><br />Julie<br /><br />(excuse anonymous - have fired AT&T and haven't got my router set for my computer yet with new comcast)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-44707849294509811022010-02-22T20:08:06.414-06:002010-02-22T20:08:06.414-06:00Julie, I'm going to be honest and I hope it do...Julie, I'm going to be honest and I hope it doesn't sound too brutal. <br /><br />Does Judy have a voice? Why doesn't she use it? Why didn't she use it at her first job with Anne? Why did she just take the fall for this passive-aggressive micromanager? <br /><br />Halfway through reading the post all I could think was, what kind of martyr is Judy? I don't see where she once articulated any of her legitimate feelings about how she was being held back by this person. Not to Anne, and not to her boss. If she's too timid to speak up for herself, she is going to find it hard to do well anywhere in my opinion. <br /><br />I understand leaving a job because of a micromanager, I've done it. I even understand being apprehensive about confronting a tough situation like this one, but we are all responsible for allowing ourselves to be rolled over if we just allow it. Judy seems to think she has no power to address the situation...so she doesn't. She gives her power away to Anne without once saying a word in her own defense, or confronting Anne about her own behavior, about not meeting deadlines and making Judy look bad, etc. For all she knows, if she'd talked to Anne when the opportunity arose, Anne might have learned something and changed her behavior. OR she might have approached her own boss about the issue of deadlines not being met because of Anne's shortcomings, not her own. <br /><br />Judy needs to learn to stand up for herself. She should have told Anne that she'd had nothing but praise from the other managers on the project, and was confused as to why Anne was unhappy with her performance. She should have told Anne that she felt stifled by having to clear every single decision with her, and that she felt that clearing every little thing was not conducive to her growth as an employee. She should have told Anne that she was concerned that she was handing in work timely and then being asked about it later because Anne hadn't held up her end, and that in the future she would be honest about why a report hadn't been submitted instead of allowing people to think SHE was the one who hadn't got the job done. <br /><br />There are lots of Annes in the world. They can generally only treat us the way we allow them to. I know that in a work situation this can be more difficult to navigate, but just saying nothing and then "wondering" what went wrong is not going to work with difficult people. I hope that in the future Judy will look at herself and how her passivity is contributing to her career woes. <br /><br />Great post, Julie!Kathttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18254181459688488318noreply@blogger.com