tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post6283713604973751215..comments2023-09-29T06:00:09.242-05:00Comments on Julie Pippert: Using My Words: Hanging marriage out to dryJulie Pipperthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03169574697104642479noreply@blogger.comBlogger17125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-64179164738691348722007-06-30T18:45:00.000-05:002007-06-30T18:45:00.000-05:00very late to weigh in - but this was posted on my ...very late to weigh in - but this was posted on my 11th wedding anniversary - and my reasons for not "marriage" venting/sharing on my blog and in real life are very similar. If I thought it would lend strength to our marriage, I'd probably talk/blog more about it, but I don't think it would, whereas parenting is just the opposite.Karenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09390898429089863816noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-59916579849233793242007-06-13T08:15:00.000-05:002007-06-13T08:15:00.000-05:00Completely awesome. My husband is much like yours...Completely awesome. <BR/><BR/>My husband is much like yours, very private. I am thankful that he puts up with me and my "sharing". <BR/><BR/>Oh, gosh, this whole post-has me grinning in agreement.Khttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09427175530813402719noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-30996346006038210972007-06-12T08:52:00.000-05:002007-06-12T08:52:00.000-05:00Ooops, sorry, Julie.This is why I shouldn't respon...Ooops, sorry, Julie.<BR/><BR/>This is why I shouldn't respond to blog postings sans coffee. Or in a rush. (I was on the way out the door.)<BR/><BR/>Sorry.kalirozhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10413769558136831135noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-69205590913003139382007-06-11T19:09:00.000-05:002007-06-11T19:09:00.000-05:00Everyone has a line they don't cross. Mine is blu...Everyone has a line they don't cross. Mine is blurry...but it's there.Jenny, the Bloggesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13718481135182612620noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-37915729021634437072007-06-11T18:13:00.000-05:002007-06-11T18:13:00.000-05:00Thanks, Ally!***Roz, I think you misunderstood wha...Thanks, Ally!<BR/><BR/>***<BR/><BR/>Roz, I think you misunderstood what i wrote. I didn't say I *never* discuss my marriage with *anyone* at all for any reason.<BR/><BR/>I said my friends and I discuss the ins and outs, the dailies. I go a little deeper with my best friend and a little deeper still with my sister.<BR/><BR/>I simply said I have boundaries that I don't cross. They are arbitrary, they are mine.<BR/><BR/>One boundary is to not blog about it.Julie Pipperthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03169574697104642479noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-25575334997736313752007-06-11T12:54:00.000-05:002007-06-11T12:54:00.000-05:00Power to the prudes (thanks, SM). I nodded like ...Power to the prudes (thanks, SM). I nodded like a bobble-head all the way through this post. A resounding amen from me.Allyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15264625893829690986noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-29391011825773127552007-06-11T12:11:00.000-05:002007-06-11T12:11:00.000-05:00Julie, I would never blog about something sacred w...Julie, I would never blog about something sacred with my husband ... but I will talk with my best friend about some things.<BR/><BR/>It's never really that I need to vent or bash. It's always sort of an "am I being too dumb, prickly, insensitive" kind of thing. I have to air the stuff so that I can see what's really an issue and what's not. <BR/><BR/>That's just me.<BR/><BR/>And I suppose, on one hand, I don't think marriage is that big a sacred cow.<BR/><BR/>I love my husband and I married him because of that, but, I don't know, I feel like if I've gotta talk to someone I'm gonna. And I don't like therapists. I know they're very important for some people, but not for me. (Bad experience.)<BR/><BR/>I feel like talking out some of the things with another person, even though that person is not totally un-biased, helps me work things out. That way if I DO have to talk to him about something, confront him, I'll be able to frame it not just in the "This really pisses me off" mode ... but also in the "This pisses me off and this is why it's disrepectful to me and our relationship".<BR/><BR/>Now, again, I'd never blog about our real issues, ever. #1 -- husband and his mother read it. #2 -- That's just too public a venue. My best friend is one thing. The world wide web is another altogether.kalirozhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10413769558136831135noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-50457493798212973772007-06-10T10:45:00.000-05:002007-06-10T10:45:00.000-05:00Thanks, Christine. It's harder in real life, when ...Thanks, Christine. It's harder in real life, when some days you have something, with a strong emotion, just waiting to burst out and all it takes is a special friend to say, "How are you?" In writing I have more time to consider. I do always want to be respectful and fair. <BR/><BR/>***<BR/><BR/>Mizmell, maybe so, a middle. And possibly someone really talented will find it. :)<BR/><BR/>Maybe even Gwen.<BR/><BR/>***<BR/><BR/>Mary, I agree. That's the POV I have on it. It might provide some relief (getting it out) and satisfaction from validation but that's only personally helpful not marriage helpful.<BR/><BR/>***<BR/><BR/>LM, you have it there...it's not just respect, it's trust. Absolutely. Yes, I have no desire to be on reality TV, or liek Jessica Simpson. Anyway we all see where that ended up. <BR/><BR/>***<BR/><BR/>SM, I have never understood why privacy and restraint was considered "prudish" or "uptight." I'm with you.<BR/><BR/>***<BR/><BR/>Sage, I had pondered it a little, such as when I had a story to tell but decided not to b/c I worried about how it might make someone else (or in this case my husband) feel, and when I read other blogs that shared fairly openly about their marriage. <BR/><BR/>But it wasn't until Gwen put it all so well (this post started as a really long comment back to her) that I really considered it independently.<BR/><BR/>***<BR/><BR/>Queen, I've also deleted drafts. It felt good to write on certain topics, but I knew it wasn't something I could ever post. And it was about privacy and respect.<BR/><BR/>***<BR/><BR/>Kyla and Chani, yep. :)Julie Pipperthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03169574697104642479noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-49984090987619480372007-06-10T00:27:00.000-05:002007-06-10T00:27:00.000-05:00If I was married... when I was married... discussi...If I was married... when I was married... discussion of our private life was off-limits for both of us. <BR/><BR/><BR/>Peace, <BR/><BR/>~Chanithailandchanihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10171731740204067889noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-46596004418753442342007-06-09T21:42:00.000-05:002007-06-09T21:42:00.000-05:00I totally agree. I don't blog about my marriage fo...I totally agree. I don't blog about my marriage for the same reasons.Kylahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03311014761113076785noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-51330842163764804002007-06-09T20:15:00.000-05:002007-06-09T20:15:00.000-05:00It is funny that you posted about this. Earlier t...It is funny that you posted about this. Earlier today, I started a post about some frustrations with my husband and, after tearfully reading the draft....deleted it. I am not opposed to sharing certain things....but there IS a limit. There may be a time when I feel compelled to share some details of my marriage...but I will try to respect the privacy of my spouse. <BR/><BR/>Of course, this will NOT stop me from b*tching about him from time to time!<BR/><BR/>You know what they say about women? We don't burp or fart....so we must b*tch or we will EXPLODE! (hee-hee)Queen of the Mayhemhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10317309061471274358noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-27123982061221487512007-06-09T19:16:00.000-05:002007-06-09T19:16:00.000-05:00This is fascinating and something I must admit tha...This is fascinating and something I must admit that I've never really thought much about. And I can't even explain why.<BR/><BR/>I'm just starting to mull this over - largely in response to your post - and so I don't have much to say, but I will say that finding the right balance of what and what not to share, either in relation to parenting or my marriage, is going to get even more critical as time goes on, I think. <BR/><BR/>Thanks for a very thoughtful post.NotSoSagehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04782162947524115936noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-14198716864677485052007-06-09T13:30:00.000-05:002007-06-09T13:30:00.000-05:00I too am married to a very private person.But well...I too am married to a very private person.<BR/><BR/>But well before we met, when I was still in college, when girlfriends would be drinking and giggling over penis size, and they'd ask me to share my boyfriend's, I'd refuse. Because it just seemed so astonishingly disrespectful of someone else's privacy.<BR/><BR/>And they called me a prude.<BR/><BR/>So be it.Shttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05602868040771218507noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-67047417424543090152007-06-09T12:50:00.000-05:002007-06-09T12:50:00.000-05:00"In a way, our relationships with other people can..."In a way, our relationships with other people can be the making of us." YES! You are very right about that.<BR/><BR/>I have written about my marriage and my relationship with my husband, but if you read closely you'll see I do not criticize *him* only me. The reason? His privacy, of course. His family reads my blog. But also out of respect for the privacy of our marriage. I don't really discuss my marriage with friends or family either. I firmly believe those are conversations that should take place only between me and T. He has to feel confident that he can say anything to me about himself or our marriage without worrying about it ending up on my blog. That's a trust I can never break.<BR/><BR/>Like Mary-lue, I read a couple of blogs where everything is revealed. I just can't do that. It would be like making my marriage into a reality TV show. I have no desire to be Jessica Simpson.Lawyer Mamahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06819273107327846943noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-78245707794909778922007-06-09T10:36:00.000-05:002007-06-09T10:36:00.000-05:00One of my blog friends who is also a "real life" f...One of my blog friends who is also a "real life" friend and I have discussed this. It is simply a very dangerous thing to discuss your marriage on your blog. You risk saying too much or the wrong thing. I have made a few general comments about my marriage but always have been careful to state that it is my point of view and that what I've said is something that would be something that is common in a marriage. And really, I can only think of one or two instances where I've mentioned anything at all.<BR/><BR/>I've read blogs, some "big" ones, where there is a "no holds barred" approach in talking about a spouse. I cringe. Even when the spouse appears to have done something terrible, I can't help but think that it can't be helpful to their relationship.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10270726693980247861noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-47102305799668125752007-06-09T08:01:00.000-05:002007-06-09T08:01:00.000-05:00Effort and commitment indeed. But that's exactly w...Effort and commitment indeed. But that's exactly what parenting is all about.<BR/><BR/>Perhaps there's an middle of the road out there somewhere we haven't stumbled upon.MizMellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15179706480109020766noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-46527644298179321212007-06-09T06:53:00.000-05:002007-06-09T06:53:00.000-05:00I really enjoyed reading this today, Julie. I've ...I really enjoyed reading this today, Julie. <BR/><BR/>I've though a lot about this point both in terms of blogging and in terms of "real life" discussions. I, too, have lines. Like you said, we are a duet, and to sing solo would really hide his soaring voice.<BR/><BR/>I also worry were venting would bleed into husband bashing. You know? Now I am not saying we can't tactfully vent or share frustrations and obstacles we have in our marriage, just that we have to be respectful and not end up painting an ugly picture that, when we look back, are ashamed of because it is only half a picture.<BR/><BR/>Oh i would be a fool and a liar to say that my life with my husband is a perfect field of daisies day in and day out. We shouldn't paint the opposite illusion either--an illusion of a perfect romance movie, no fights, no problems.<BR/><BR/> In the end, for me, it is all about respect. I can show my true love for my husband by respecting our marriage with a little privacy. You'll hear about him from time to time for sure, but the intimate details and the true fights and hard times will remain private.Christinehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04662448292809451387noreply@blogger.com