tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post7043626914538568637..comments2023-09-29T06:00:09.242-05:00Comments on Julie Pippert: Using My Words: Why I think "coming out" to other parents is a good thing to do, in certain circumstancesJulie Pipperthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03169574697104642479noreply@blogger.comBlogger43125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-3276223316613634932008-01-10T12:15:00.000-06:002008-01-10T12:15:00.000-06:00I think I agree, although it's easy for me to say ...I think I agree, although it's easy for me to say when we don't have any serious issues with the kids (yet). I tend to think that, although some people might act badly, most people would appreciate the knowledge and act accordingly. And, hey, then you know who to avoid.Lawyer Mamahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06819273107327846943noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-6213584202755302422008-01-09T23:12:00.000-06:002008-01-09T23:12:00.000-06:00I totally get what you're saying.What's frustrated...I totally get what you're saying.<BR/><BR/>What's frustrated me most about my stepson's situation is my husband's unwillingness to be honest with our friends about what's going on. These are people who care about us, people who would be supportive and understanding, but ...Cathy, Amy and Kristinahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01472486650115997239noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-28998777203559378912008-01-09T18:59:00.000-06:002008-01-09T18:59:00.000-06:00I think you're totally right here: "It seemed to ...I think you're totally right here: "It seemed to me---from my limited knowledge and experience---that it could be positive to casually say, "Johnny has autism, and he prefers you to sit quietly next to him and play at your own game. Mary, how do you like to play? Patience, how do you like to play?""<BR/><BR/>From a teacher's perspective, though, it can be really hard. I believe that public school teachers do know when a particular student has, say, an IEP, but I don't know that the teacher necessarily even knows what disorder or sensitivities the child has. I think that teachers are really left in the dark, in part to "assure" equal treatment. But you're right, for some children, the best thing would be for everyone to just <I>learn</I> rather than to ignore.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-74035093108808646532008-01-09T12:14:00.000-06:002008-01-09T12:14:00.000-06:00My brother, who is a professor at a university, wa...My brother, who is a professor at a university, was recently observing one of his student teachers in an elementary school classroom. There was apparently one boy who was austistic and my brother said it was amazing how the rest of the class interacted with him. They all knew he had autism and instead of being afraid of or ignoring him, they all worked with what they had. When the boy freaked out because something had fallen on the floor, another student picked it up for him. My brother said it was like they all knew what to expect from him and helped him get through it. I thought it was a really interesting method ... and this was in Arkansas so it can happen there, it can happen in any school system : )Michelehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10058386764811033042noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-86249896308587143382008-01-09T11:47:00.000-06:002008-01-09T11:47:00.000-06:00You know, along these lines, I was watching Frontl...You know, along these lines, I was watching Frontline on PBS last night (what? I'm a dork?) and it was about the controversy surrounding diagnosing and treating psychiatric disorders in children. It was incredibly thought-provoking and heart-rending and fascinating, all at the same time. Good stuff.Gwenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12526629366170486737noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-1399610524113919422008-01-09T09:22:00.000-06:002008-01-09T09:22:00.000-06:00What a great post. You've made me think and prese...What a great post. You've made me think and presented fairly on both sides, I think... hmmmm.OhTheJoyshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05031731198115388411noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-87726569926629475862008-01-08T23:02:00.000-06:002008-01-08T23:02:00.000-06:00wonderful, wonderful. I so agree. thank you.wonderful, wonderful. I so agree. thank you.painted maypolehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06446625015003854710noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-78565944650123423242008-01-08T21:12:00.000-06:002008-01-08T21:12:00.000-06:00Great post!My kids have had lots of "mainstreamed"...Great post!<BR/><BR/>My kids have had lots of "mainstreamed" kids in their classes, from muscular dsytrophy to autism spectrum. The mom of the MD kid makes a presentation to the class each year so that everyone understands her issues. The autism mom, unfortunately, has a chip on her shoulder the size of Mt. McKinley and insists that her daughter be treated Just Like Everyone Else. The fact that she doesn't bring everyone into the loop has been really hard for everyone.<BR/><BR/>Very thought provoking. Thanks!Melissahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14599462281364463565noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-2602894724006758562008-01-08T20:42:00.000-06:002008-01-08T20:42:00.000-06:00What a great post - very insightful.There really i...What a great post - very insightful.<BR/><BR/>There really isn't much I can add to all the wonderful comments above, save for one thing - What if we took this approach with everyone, not just children? We can plainly see how important it is to understand the needs and circumstances of a child. What if we were THAT understanding of everyone whose paths we crossed each day - paying attention to the needs of each other? What if we REALLY paid attention?<BR/><BR/>Thank you for an eye-opener.annehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01306851407588054538noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-68124461182560719352008-01-08T20:23:00.000-06:002008-01-08T20:23:00.000-06:00I think everyone else has said great things, but w...I think everyone else has said great things, but what strikes me is how aware you, as a parent, or your child, or any of us, even are of "difference." I wonder if perhaps sometimes our expectations for what "normal" is aren't themselves unrealistic. Maybe it has to do with wanting to believe that we and our children fall within the realm of "normal." I don't know. I just know that in my children's (very nice) school, I see kids at all different levels, emotionally, academically, socially. I am learning that children develop at very different rates, all within the realm of "normal." So I'm not sure even the ones who seem to be acting out necessarily deserve the labels we sometimes want to attach to them,as a way to make sense of their behavior.<BR/><BR/>I don't know exactly how to explain myself without unwittingly being insulting. Perhaps, then, I should just stop.Gwenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12526629366170486737noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-88554641095421178872008-01-08T19:53:00.000-06:002008-01-08T19:53:00.000-06:00It's sad, because the best way to become comfortab...It's sad, because the best way to become comfortable with something/someone is to learn about them. And for a child, having that sense of other... with nothing concrete to pin to it.. will just make them shy away.<BR/>My brother has Down's Syndrome.. and I remember all through growing up kids staring at him & my dad or mom explaining that he learns slower, but he's the same... And I remember doing the same with my friends when they came over. And they were all comfortable with him.<BR/><BR/>When he worked at a fast food restaurant after graduation, and the other employees there teased him (high school kids...) my Dad went in & spoke to them. Told them about Downs. Unfortunately, you can't expect kids to be naturally kind with something or somebody that is different or scary to them. But talking about it, opening it up, creating a dialogue is power.MyThreeBlogshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07817857109007712976noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-63166962397254726722008-01-08T19:18:00.000-06:002008-01-08T19:18:00.000-06:00As a former Kindergarten teacher, this post really...As a former Kindergarten teacher, this post really hits close to home for me. I feel very sad for Emma and for the children in her class. I can understand the confusion that her classmates must feel about this child who often acts different and "disappears". I truly believe that being open and honest is the right thing to do. I don't believe that privacy is necessarily the issue. One cannot hide a child's differences and it is doing that child a disservice if they are trying to hide them. Rather, we should explain them and embrace them. Help the other children understand that Emma has "xyz" and what that means. It helps the children understand and accept differences rather than simply ignore them. How will children ever learn how to accept differences and learn to find ways to get along with these children?<BR/>In my school, I was the designated "special needs" Kindergarten teacher--meaning that any child who had special needs would be placed in my class--amongst the "main stream" children as well. There were times when I had to explain to the class about someone's needs to help them not be scared and to understand how the child had difficulties. We brainstormed as a class how we could help that child and ways that we could solve certain problems (I am thinking of a child who go particularly violent and lashed out). After these discussions, I noticed such a HUGE difference with how ACCEPTED that child was in the classroom and how the children weren't scared of being around him. <BR/>Oh, I could go on.....Multi-tasking Mommyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02379488091050026867noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-55544595177703705142008-01-08T18:21:00.000-06:002008-01-08T18:21:00.000-06:00Julie,You are wise and thoughtful. I appreciate y...Julie,<BR/>You are wise and thoughtful. I appreciate your post, and I think we could all benefit from more openness and less tolerance of intolerance.Karen Jensenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02540617923517042598noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-906013827555661402008-01-08T17:29:00.000-06:002008-01-08T17:29:00.000-06:00Good post Julie. I have to agree with Chani that t...Good post Julie. I have to agree with Chani that this comes down to some basic fear in our society of being different. I also think that the superficial level that many in our society communicate makes people afraid to deal with things that are unpleasant or emotional. But really admitting that these things exist can make it much easier for everyone.Wayfarer Scientistahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07996334636311497271noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-34807971653355616002008-01-08T16:46:00.000-06:002008-01-08T16:46:00.000-06:00I agree with what you say in this post, Julie, not...I agree with what you say in this post, Julie, not just as regards children but just in general. <BR/><BR/>I wish we could be more open while at the same time having a strong sense of personal boundaries. For me it is about perspective--framing things in a way that is not an excuse but instead is supporting and enlightening.<BR/><BR/>Of course, I know that people who are in the type of situation you describe have probably been hurt or are scared. I don't want to sound cavalier that I know what someone else should do. I know that I have been afraid, too, of asking questions, the wrong questions, etc.<BR/><BR/>It is a tough place to be in, on both sides of the issue.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10270726693980247861noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-81588868275455606842008-01-08T16:31:00.000-06:002008-01-08T16:31:00.000-06:00Of course, you're right that we could act with gre...Of course, you're right that we could act with greater sensitivity and understanding if we had full knowledge of the situation. But I think that many people don't feel comfortable sharing some things about their lives even with their close friends. <BR/><BR/>I know that I wouldn't disclose, unless I thought that, on balance, weighing the costs against the benefits, the disclosure would result in a net gain in some way for my child. And I can understand that, for many parents, the costs or potential costs would far outweigh any benefits.niobehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08315267454529454063noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-53130133677899587372008-01-08T15:55:00.000-06:002008-01-08T15:55:00.000-06:00Fascinating post ... and comments. It leaves me t...Fascinating post ... and comments. It leaves me torn...<BR/><BR/>On the one hand, I agree you need to 'know' what's going on when there appears to be a child with a problem and your kids are struggling to cope with said child (along with everybody else). On the other hand, I can understand why parents of children with 'problems' don't want to discuss, out of fear of labels, out of fear of even more ridicule/teasing... <BR/><BR/>It's also why I personally believe mainstreaming a lot of children has been such an abject failure for all concerned. There has to be a better way to teach children in regular classes tolerence and kindness to those who are 'different' without inserting children who are different and will struggle mightily acadmically/socially to get along into the same room on a fulltime basis. It just seems so unfair to everyone involved.ewe are herehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13339650361453626546noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-13892577772779046992008-01-08T14:32:00.000-06:002008-01-08T14:32:00.000-06:00Thordora, okay mental illness...that's a different...Thordora, okay mental illness...that's a different discussion. <BR/><BR/>You are right; the bias against that---the misinformation, ignorance, unintentional assumptions that are harmful and so forth---is rampant.<BR/><BR/>How much does/would it manifest on a daily basis in the classroom?<BR/><BR/>When can we begin thinking about mental illness the exact same way we do about physical illness? The brain is an organ of the body. We don't completely control it. When it malfunctions, that's not a choice---it's a disease.<BR/><BR/>***<BR/><BR/>Thanks for the other comments. I want to reply more but have to dash out again. You guys have made some great points.<BR/><BR/>It's such a complicated issue.Julie Pipperthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03169574697104642479noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-76521069579975837092008-01-08T14:28:00.000-06:002008-01-08T14:28:00.000-06:00We be toys, well, then there is that other level o...We be toys, well, then there is that other level of concern. <BR/><BR/>Take public school. With 20-25 kids in a classroom, are the special needs students getting the education and support they need?<BR/><BR/>Are the TEACHERS getting the support they need?<BR/><BR/>Mainstreaming used to work really well in most cases before budget cuts.<BR/><BR/>Back then classrooms with mainstreamed kids had an aide.<BR/><BR/>The aides, it seems, are gone. And class sizes are larger.<BR/><BR/>How does this work for the kids and the teachers?<BR/><BR/>It's interesting to hear about the changes from a teacher's POV over a 30 year period of time.Julie Pipperthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03169574697104642479noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-27513543731912201612008-01-08T14:20:00.000-06:002008-01-08T14:20:00.000-06:00SM, yes. You're right. And some people are like th...SM, yes. You're right. And some people are like that. And will do that. And it sucks.<BR/><BR/>So...yes.<BR/><BR/>Okay yes but. Then there is what Kyla said.<BR/><BR/>***<BR/><BR/>In general...to add on to my point...<BR/><BR/>I'm not sure how to make this point I'm about to try to make so bear with me. AHEM<BR/><BR/>There's is the nasty twist to the idea of "free to be you and me." That's meant to promote acceptance and tolerance. And there's long been the debate about "is it intolerant to not tolerate intolerance?" As in: isn't that hypocritical?<BR/><BR/>I disagree with that idea and find it off-base.<BR/><BR/>I feel disgust each time people use the idea of freedom to excuse hatefulness.<BR/><BR/>"It's my right," says the jerk, "To tell my kid to avoid the Retard. 'Tards shouldn't be in school so I told my kid if the 'Tard bothers him? Just push him away and call him a 'Tard."<BR/><BR/>I don't think that ought to be tolerated. At all.<BR/><BR/>Our culture and our school culture need to abhor that, and it needs to bring negative consequences.<BR/><BR/>No part of anything in this country provides people the right to harm others. (Not that you'd know that <--had to get in one dig.)<BR/><BR/>It's like Medium and Large laughing at Small in my post from Sunday.<BR/><BR/>I so wanted one of them to say, "Dude, I'm no fan of that school but that comment is past the line."<BR/><BR/>I guess I'm trying to say...why do bullies and jerks get to rule the day?<BR/><BR/>(That's an honest question. I realize it hurts, and I know you have to wisely choose your battles. I understand some people won't intend kindness because they erroneously believe some difference gives them the right to treat others as less than human. I hate that, I do. I also realize that when you are already fighting a battle on one front, the last thing you want is to put energy into another front. Still...it just seems like there is a big Should in there somewhere. Does the jerk weigh more?)Julie Pipperthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03169574697104642479noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-29133077112607053942008-01-08T13:05:00.000-06:002008-01-08T13:05:00.000-06:00Julie.I agree with the sentiment behind this, and ...Julie.<BR/><BR/>I agree with the sentiment behind this, and if I were a teacher, I'd like to be able to share relevant information with a parent like you: intuitive, bright, and empathetic.<BR/><BR/>But the problem is that not all parents will use the information they receive in wise or understanding ways. In fact, I'd suspect that some parents might use the information in cruel and potentially devastating ways and end up hurting the child in question more than he or she was hurting before.Shttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05602868040771218507noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-28505338943613885122008-01-08T13:00:00.000-06:002008-01-08T13:00:00.000-06:00Really good thought-provoking post! I agree with y...Really good thought-provoking post! I agree with you 100%. As a parent volunteer in three elementary classes I see kids who obviously have either behavioral, chemical, or enviromental issues going on that keep them from doing their best, and there is very little being done for these kids, within the school system, and maybe not even at home. I will be sure to do some follow up reading based on your reccomendations!we_be_toyshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12100712745473031460noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-30509080375454548302008-01-08T12:11:00.000-06:002008-01-08T12:11:00.000-06:00"I realize friendship shouldn't be contingent on f..."I realize friendship shouldn't be contingent on full knowledge and disclosure, but sometimes, you can be a better friend when you understand."<BR/><BR/>I think I'll print that out and put it on my fridge. We all need to remember that!<BR/><BR/>When a new family moved onto our street this summer, the neighborhood kids (including my 2 daughters) welcomed the brothers into the fold and began running through the neighborhood with them as if they'd always been there. The kids noticed some differences in that first week and began to distance themselves. By the 2nd week, there were some disturbing behavioral patterns that surfaced with the older of the two boys. (Inappropriate sexual behavior directed at several of the children.) As a mom, my first reaction was to be really angry at the kid. Later we found out he has "milder" autism. I wish his parents would have been forthright with his issues, and then we as parents would be able to equip our children with the tools they need to understand and be a safe friend for him. As it is, our kids avoid him because they are afraid of him. A very frustrating situation. <BR/><BR/>I'm off to check out the article in Brain Child recommended above.Emilyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14022976523785423847noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-77788434901252733392008-01-08T12:07:00.000-06:002008-01-08T12:07:00.000-06:00Thank you for making me stop and think...thank you...Thank you for making me stop and think...thank you for sharing and making me more aware of this everyday issue and concern.Laurahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08122365458052947125noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13083972.post-40690359235191056912008-01-08T11:16:00.000-06:002008-01-08T11:16:00.000-06:00This post has a deep correlation to a (rather leng...This post has a deep correlation to a (rather lengthy) article I read in Brain, Child yesterday. But I think hat you, and many of your readers (especially any dealing with neurological differences) would enjoy the multiple perspectives the author provides. <BR/><BR/>URL: http://www.brainchildmag.com/essays/winter2008_guilbert.aspAnonymousnoreply@blogger.com