Skip to main content

If Hamlet and Ophelia had gotten married, had kids, & moved to the suburbs...

SCENE I. Elsinore. A platform bed in the master bedroom.

MOM and DAD modestly under covers.

DAD

Who's there?

MOM

Nay, answer me: stand, and unfold yourself.

DAD

'Tis now struck twelve; get thee to bed, child-o.

Exit Child 1

MOM

Well, good night.
If you do hear or see another one,
The rivals of my sleep, bid them make haste.

DAD

I think I hear them. Stand, ho! Who's there?

Enter CHILD 1 and CHILD 2

CHILD 1

Tis us, fair father, Friends to this bed.

CHILD 2

And liegemen to our fair mother, bearer of us and our not so fair antics.

MOM

Give you good night. (to DAD:: And not in our bed, ho!)

DAD

What, has this thing appear'd again to-night?

MOM

I have seen nothing. (to DAD:: Ignore those specters and they shall return from whence they came.)

DAD

Mom says 'tis but my fantasy,
And will not let belief take hold of her
Touching this dreaded sight, twice seen of us:
Therefore I have entreated her along
With us to watch the minutes of this night;
That if again the apparitions come,
They may approve our eyes and speak to it.

MOM

Tush, tush, 'twill not appear.

DAD

Peace, break thee off; look, where it comes again!

MOM

It would be spoke to.

DAD

Question it, Mom.

MOM

What art thou that usurp'st this time of night,
Together with that small and tantrumlike form
In which the majesty of buried restful nights
Did sometimes march? by heaven I charge thee, speak!

DAD

It is offended.

MOM

See, it stalks away! (to DAD: Our work here is done!)

Comments

Mad said…
Ha!

The children of Hamlet and Ophelia would be so messed up that I think their least worry would be appearing as ghosts to their parents. I mean can you imagine the therapy their kids would need: ineffectual father, loony mother, so many murders in the extended family...
Julie Pippert said…
In other words, Mad, sort of the typical dysfunctional family? ;)
Karen Jensen said…
"It would be spoke to." Genius.
Bon said…
i loved this. and i have to agree, many could do worse than Hamlet & Ophelia for parents. at least those two would give lots of thought to stuff...
Anonymous said…
To sleep, perchance to dream.
No, that is not the fate of those
Who are gifted with the presence of small folk.
Anonymous said…
Too funny, Julie.

Last night was hot, so I had the fan on and could not hear Lorenzo coming out of his room and into mine (and possibly even knocking, as he has started to do). He was also having a restless night and I awakened with him staring me in the face about half a dozen times. Definitely as startling as ghosts.
mayberry said…
Love this, Julie. Brava!
Anonymous said…
"...that small and tantrumlike form..."

Way too funny!

~EdT.
Magpie said…
Nicely done, J.

They never stop creeping in, do they?
Patois42 said…
Well done! Bravo!
Leslie said…
I just blog-hopped over here from Mayberry Mom to find this piece of genius. Makes me want to watch Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead.

Popular posts from this blog

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Quorum

After being confronted with written evidence, Julie admits that she is a total attention whore. In some things, in some ways, sometimes I look outward for validation of my worth and existence. I admit it. It's my weak spot, my vanity spot . If you say I am clever, comment on a post, offer me an award, mention me on your blog, reply to a comment I left on your blog, or in any way flatter me as a writer...I am hopelessly, slavishly devoted to you. I will probably even add you to my blogroll just so everyone can see the list of all the cool kids who actually like me . The girl, she knows she is vain in this regard , but after much vanity discussion and navel-gazing , she has decided to love herself anyway, as she is (ironically) and will keep searching for (1) internal validation and (2) her first person . Until I reach a better point of self-actualization, though, may I just say that this week you people have been better than prozac and chocolate (together, with a side of white choc...

NEW and UNDISCOVERED BLOGGERS: I'll link you!

** Hey please come vote for this at SK*RT to get the word out! ** You know what? There are new bloggers out there. I know! NEWBIES. What's more...there are undiscovered bloggers, untapped wells of talent. But we don't know about you. I know, some people are shy, not really joiner types, don't prefer blog blasts or carnivals and so forth. So tell you what: I'll try to create a link list with some regularity. All you have to do is comment and let me know how to find you (aka paste in your link). Write a brief description of your blog, you know a couple of sentences a la "Hi I'm a mommyblogger from Detroit and I have two preschoolers who are very loud and creative, all funny stories on my blog!" or "I'm so deep I make Julie look shallow. If you wish you could have hung with Plato, come by my blog." or "I'm a guy who likes to talk about motorcycles." or "My blog is all about space exploration." And I'll link you. I...

Does the abstinence message for drug use work?

This past week I've made time to read up about social aspect awareness and education programs for young children in our public schools. My interest, of course, began with the red ribbon program , which I became alarmingly familiar with due to my daughter's negative experience . I read the Brain, Child article ( Scared Straight? Or Just Scared? Do elementary school anti-drug campaigns work? by Juliette Guilbert), which was excellent, as well as the research study that found the Boomerang effect of drug education and awareness programs that article cited (see a fact sheet that provides source citing for the University of Illinois article and also read the original Brain, Child article for more information). In short, our techniques are not working: "Levels of drug use did not differ as a function of whether students participated in D.A.R.E. Every additional 36 hours of cumulative drug education…were associated with significantly more negative attitudes towards police…m...