Skip to main content

Enough with the Mary Poppins Parenting, All Right?

Note: this post begins with "recently" but it was recent then not now. Then was around March 2012. At some point, someone for some reason reported this post and the platform pulled it down. However, the concept is evergreen so I am republishing it!

________________________________________________________________________________

Recently on Facebook, a friend disgustedly posted another "how French parents are better" article (this one cruelly about how French kids have less ADHD and it's because the French parents are BETTER -- or so it read to a lot of parents dealing with this situation in their own families, and boy do I understand that POV). She was appalled, we were all mainly appalled. Though there was a slight thread of "maybe there's a point here...how can we have so much more?" running through it.

Feeling insecure about your parenting is pretty de rigeur for parents, I think. We are raising a person who will go out into the world, representing our family. That's the bottom line. I mean, we can quibble over personal responsibility and the level of influence parents actually have, as we all as variables that affect that, all day long. But bottom lining it -- we brought these people into this world and by gum we are always going to have and feel some level of responsibility for them.

Outside of some rare cases, I do not believe that in general parents advocate for their kids to get a challenging diagnosis of any sort just to get attention. Are the public schools in trouble? Oh yes. Does this prompt some parents to fight for special access to programs such as the academic gold star programs (leading some Gifted and Talented programs to be, actually, merely the A student programs -- which probably means it's more of a Bright & High Achieving program than GT)? Oh yes, yes it does. Does it prompt parents--who might otherwise not do so--to apply for 504s and other exceptions to give their kid a little space in an overcrowded classroom? Oh yes.

But. I think it is bollocks that bad parenting causes special need situations. It may happen -- bad parenting -- and it may cause behavior problems. There may also be a case of rush to medication. But, based on personal experience, I can say I have seen a very intense scrutiny and process by professionals to evaluate, diagnose and treat special needs. That's anecdotal to be sure, but I stand by it. I think that good, loving parents make the very best decisions for their kids that they can.

Source cite that feeling of responsibility under our love.

I don't know every parent in the world and, unfortunately, there are some real humdingers. That breaks my heart. But I do know a lot of parents and, by and large, they try really hard to do their best. Always.

So that's why stuff like "go be more like Mary Poppins, practically perfect in every way" stuff makes me kind of unhappy. Parenting is hard enough. Who needs things that undermine us, and our confidence? Shame never sets a higher bar. What worse way to treat anyone than to constantly berate them for not measuring up. And yet, we as parents, live this daily, though cutesy inspirationally-intended little graphics on social media to well-meaning yet un-empathetic (and often erroneous and misunderstanding) advice from others, and from pithy parenting guides and articles to critical media judgments.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

In defense of vanity...I think

Do you have one of those issues where you argue with yourself? Where you just aren't sure what you actually think because there are so many messages and opinions on the topic around you? I have more than one like this. However, there is one topic that has been struggling to the top of my mind recently: vanity and perceived vanity. Can vanity be a good thing? Vanity has historically been truly reviled. Vanity is number seven of the Seven Deadly Sins. It's the doppleganger of number seven on the Seven Holy Virtues list: humility. There are many moralistic tales of how vanity makes you evil and brings about a spectacular downfall. Consider the lady who bathed in the blood of virgins to maintain her youth. Google Borgia+vanity and find plenty. The Brothers Grimm and Disney got in on the act too. The Disney message seems to be: the truly beautiful don't need to be vain. They are just naturally eye-catchingly gorgeous. And they are all gorgeous. Show me the Reubenesque Princess.

Cancer's Calling Card

Foreword: I'm not a medical person, or any kind of expert. This post shouldn't be taken as God's word carved in stone by Moses. In other words, don't consider it to be any kind of authority or use it to treat, diagnose, or select medications. Do your own research and talk to your doctor, an actual expert, who, you know, went to medical school and stuff. This post is merely my best understanding of cancer and cancer treatment and prevention, as related to our situation, based on what I've learned from reading and talking to doctors. Author's Note: If you aren't interested in the cancer discussion and the things I learned, and only want to know the outcome of our appointment with the oncologist yesterday, skip to the end. I've divvied this up by sections, so go to the last section. What would you do if one day a postcard arrived in the mail to warn you that sometime in the next three years you would be diagnosed with cancer? Would you believe it? Change an

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Quorum

After being confronted with written evidence, Julie admits that she is a total attention whore. In some things, in some ways, sometimes I look outward for validation of my worth and existence. I admit it. It's my weak spot, my vanity spot . If you say I am clever, comment on a post, offer me an award, mention me on your blog, reply to a comment I left on your blog, or in any way flatter me as a writer...I am hopelessly, slavishly devoted to you. I will probably even add you to my blogroll just so everyone can see the list of all the cool kids who actually like me . The girl, she knows she is vain in this regard , but after much vanity discussion and navel-gazing , she has decided to love herself anyway, as she is (ironically) and will keep searching for (1) internal validation and (2) her first person . Until I reach a better point of self-actualization, though, may I just say that this week you people have been better than prozac and chocolate (together, with a side of white choc