It was a green-sheeted bed, not a tuffet

It was a green-sheeted bed, not a tuffet. And I, alas, alack, oh no, am nowhere near a Miss Muffet.

I've learned to keep a stockpile of food in my nightstand. Persistence had already woken me at 5:30--as usual---demanding, "Eat! Now! Eat!" Half-awake, I'd reached over to the nightstand shelf, grabbed a baggie of multi-grain Cheerios, and handed it to her.

I rolled over, one-quarter aware that Persistence had dragged her new chunky animal ABC puzzle into my room and was dis-and-re-assembling it by the love seat.

"Safe, eating, playing," my mind mumbled, and resumed sleep.

Later, seconds it felt like, but probably more like an hour and a half, something soft tickled my cheek.

Barely aware, I reached up a hand and swatted at it.

I pulled the quilt back up to my neck and nuzzled my face into my pillow.

Tickle tickle, the soft thing went on my cheek again.

I scratched my cheek with my fingernail, and squeezed my eyes shut, fighting wakefulness.

Tickle tickle, it went again, this time also teasing my mouth.

My lips pinched shut. I rubbed my face with my hand, and thought pretty thoughts. Jude Law. Fixing me dinner. Handing me a rose. Taye Diggs. Rolling with his hips across a dance floor to smooth me into some Corinne Bailey Rae slow dancing. Mmmmmmmmm

Tickle tickle.

Irritated, I cracked an eye.

And that's when I saw it!

An ENORMOUS black spider, right in front of my face.

Both eyes flew open and I shot up in bed to see Patience, dangling her toy rubber (aka Jelly) spider on a string over my face. She giggled.

"Got you, Mom!" she laughed, triumphant.

By Julie Pippert
© 2006. All images and text exclusive property of Julie Pippert. Not to be used or reproduced. R.E.S.P.E.C.T that. Please. If you want to use something, write me.

Technorati Tags: Little Miss Muffet, kid jokes,spiders

Comments

preTzel said…

I'm LMAO right now at you being woke up like that. Had it been me? I would have died of a heart attack while trying to throttle the sucker that did that to me. *shudder*

December 23, 2006 at 8:35 AM

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