February 21, 2008
By Julie Pippert
HOUSTON -- After last night's American Idol women's competition, 5.3 million teens boys from around the United States decided to move to Oklahoma and Texas.
"Oklahoma and Texas seem to be the epicenters of hotness in girls," said Shane Smith, 17, leader of the group Boys Just Want to Have Fun, "We're young---our average member age is 17---and we like hot girls. We also like music. So the only logical thing to do is move to Oklahoma and Texas, where there seem to be a lot of hot girls who can sing. American Idol opened our eyes to this."
Smith and the Boys Just Want to Have Fun members wrote and signed a manifesto citing Texan Kelly Clarkson and Oklahoman Carrie Underwood as their major inspiration.
"Kelly Clarkson said one time in an interview that she was not the hottest thing growing up, that means there are hotter women even than her in Texas," Smith said, eyes wide. Smith plans to settle outside of Dallas.
To prevent population surges in any one area and to cut down on competition among members, the group plans to disperse evenly around the two states. Members will be assigned cities via a randomized computer-generated lottery drawing.
The states can expect good behavior and model citizenship out of their new residents.
"We have to remain in school and keep our grades up," said member Troy True, "We're about having fun, but responsibly. None of us are into those Abstinence Pledges or anything like that but we can't do illegal stuff or get kicked out of school or anything. That happens? It's back to Minnesota for me."
True hopes for one of the Texas coastal towns, where he hears the girls are hip, talk Southern, and wear bikinis frequently in the year round warm temperature. "They say the Midwest farmers' daughters really make you feel all right, and I guess so, but I haven't had a date in a while and I think I might be related to most of the girls in my small town, anyway," True explained, "So I can't wait to see those Texas girls. Although Oklahoma would be all right. You think Alaina Whitaker has a sister?"
The group is evenly divided between rooting for Kady Malloy (Houston, Texas) and Alaina Whitaker (Tulsa, Oklahoma).
"They didn't give their best performances last night, but Kady is hot, and did you see her Britney Spears impersonation? She's hilarious too! They really grow girls right in Texas!" said Smith.
The group has Facebook and MySpace groups, and chats on Twitter during American Idol episodes. Membership is currently closed, pending final plans for relocation of group members.
American Idol runs on Fox at 8 p.m. Eastern Time (7 p.m. Central, for the relocatees) on a variety of nights. Set your Tivo and you won't miss it. iTunes is offering fans the opportunity to download favorite performances, as well.
Copyright 2008 Julie Pippert
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