So, in times like these I take my humor where I can get it...and I got it a lot this week. I decided to share, in honor of it being Friday, the day before the weekend...what I used to call the Last Day of Work before WOO HOO the Weekend but now I just call Friday. LOL
1. Dam Beavers
On Thursday I had to drive into the city using the highways. This is highly annoying for many reasons, one of which is the monstrously offensive bumper stickers many drivers here have---such as, "Don't like English? GO HOME!" and "Bush Cheney Let's Do It Again America!"
So I look for the Happy Messages that affirm my world view instead. Happy happy. All is happy for Julie in Julie's World. La La La.
That's when I saw it. The big white truck with huge message splayed across the back:
BIG BEAVER HATTER
League City, Texas
"All your beaver needs is a little cleaning."
2. More beaver (pot)shots
While hunting for beaver photos to illustrate the above story, I ran across:
And I had to put it up, just in caseLaura, Chookooloonks, or Kyla dropped by.
3. The ways in which people round these parts know I'm not a native
So it came up last night while we were out to eat that when you move into a new region, sometimes it is hard to know the proper local pronunciation of things.
I am notorious for this, for mangling local words, that is. Here, anyway. I do all right in most other parts of the world.
My two most famous happened only last month, in May, in public thankyouverymuch.
I mentioned in May that I had my last fundraiser of the season thankgod. I was in charge of the silent auction. So I stood guard over the valuables, by which I mean I remained sociable and available to answer any questions from bidders. We had a large number of tickets to really cool area events, including a pack for a large group to go to a popular comedy club. The club recently moved locations and is on a new street, so several people had questions about where it was. I didn't know; I still don't know the area here. But I gave it my best shot.
"It's on a street called..." I paused, licked my lips and gave it a go, "Fewkwah."
"I don't think I know this street," the lady told me.
"Okay...how about Fuckwa?" I asked.
"ExCUUUSE me?" the lady said.
"Fuckwa?" I tried again.
My friend Stacy snorted and snickered behind me. The lady looked something between confused and offended.
"I'm sure I don't know that street!" she said.
I turned around and saw Stacy and my other friend Melissa clutching their sides laughing.
"Ummm...F U Q U A," I tried spelling it.
The lady pursed her lips and brows trying to follow.
"Or," my friend Stacy interjected between laughs, "For those of us who are FROM HERE it's FEW KWAY."
"No way!" I said, "Shut up. It doesn't look like that at all! FEW KWAY. Are you sure?"
Everyone consensually agreed that yes, it was FEW KWAY not FUCKWA. And they all looked at me like I had been smoking the funny weed.
Melissa said, "Oh my God, Julie, this is even funnier than the time when we were getting the grant and you called 'EL HARDEEN' 'LE ZHARDAN' to the city council!"
Fuqua. El Jardin. How would you say that?
And finally...not so much a funny story as a request...
4. Sometimes a standard is a really good idea
After all my business was concluded on Thursday, I met my husband for lunch. On the way out we stopped by the restrooms and it occurred to me that we have a serious problem in this country: a lack of consistency for bathroom sides.
When you walk into the bathroom hallway, which is it: left? or right?
This leads to that incredibly awkward moment of pausing in the doorway to the hall, with the entire dining room at your back, and glancing both left and right to ascertain which way to go for your gender.
Even worse is when restaurants get cutsey and use funny symbols, odd hard-to-read fonts, and foreign languages to say "men" and "women."
Who enjoys that WHOOPS, that's not a skirt on the figure on the door, it's a PONCHO and this is the BOY'S ROOM times? Not me. Thanks.
So. I'd like to request a standard.
Public Bathroom Standards:
Women, left. Men, right.
Arial or Roman style font, all cap and large (for visually impaired) and Men for men, and Women for women.
copyright 2007 Julie Pippert