Saturday, June 30, 2007

Greedy and shallow...or just human...


At the wedding of Vasilii the Dark, Sofia Vitovtovna pulls the belt from Prince Vasilii Kosoi.

This work was painted by Pavel Chistyakov in 1861 and won him the Gold Medal of the Imperial Academy of Arts. Now it may be seen in the State Russian Museum.

The Great Feudal War in Muscovy started on the day of Vasili II's wedding, February 8, 1433. His mother, Sofia Vitovtovna, present at the wedding, recognized that Vasily the Cross-Eyed wore a golden belt which had formerly belonged to her father-in-law, Dmitry Donskoi. Accusing Vasili of stealing, she solemnly pulled the belt from the bewildered prince. Disgusted with such a greed on Sofia's part, Vasili's father Yuriy of Zvenigorod left the capital and declared the war. Source: Wikipedia

I want a lot of things.

I realize I ought to be appreciative of what I have, and I am. The two things---wanting and appreciating---are not mutually exclusive. Sometimes I feel an achy hunger inside me and I think, I was born hungry and will spend my life mentally and emotionally dieting, as well as physically dieting. It's a terrible thing to be born hungry sometimes.

Today I am tired of fighting to be a better person, a good person. Today my uglies are hanging out, like a purple paisely thong out of acid wash low-riders.

Today I am willing to say what I want instead of counting my blessings. Today I will feel no guilt about it.

Today it's okay to admit I feel stressed, anxious, and not in charge sometimes. Today it's okay to admit that although I generally am pretty close to having my act together, sometimes, underneath, it's really a rat in a wheel running this shell of a person. Today I don't mind admitting that all isn't hunky dory and I don't need to put on the hunky dory act.

I don't want to play the hunky dory game today.

I will tell you what I do want.

1. I want Darfur fixed. I don't want any more carnage that makes me question my species.

2. I want every parent to be able to properly care for their children, all needs provided for. I don't want parents who want to parent their children unable to do so, or live life with an every day despairing fear that someone else could do it better.

3. I want more money. Not a ton. Enough. I know, what's enough? Here it is
* I want enough that my husband doesn't leave our house every day hollow-eyed from overwork because he's too afraid to take five minutes off for fear it puts him in layoff jeopardy.

* I want enough that our family can afford to go out, and go places, and do fun things. And I want to be able to do it without guilt.

* I want savings accounts that are full and college accounts that are growing.

* I want to be able to buy organic products and not worry that this will put us over budget.

* I want to be able to do the repairs on our house that we need to do.

* I just want enough that we can live as we ought to. I don't want or need a country club membership or jet set life. I just want enough to easily take care of the needs, and the simple and reasonable wants.

4. I want to wake up in the morning without the fear of the sky falling.

5. I want a vacation. No, two. One for the family, and one for me and my husband.

6. I want to be able to afford to provide the education Patience needs.

7. I want a massage, and enough time and money to resume my yoga and dance classes.

8. I want to be healthy again. I don't want this sickness or these changes. I want my energy and my health back. I don't want to be the most expensive person and highest need person in my family any longer.

9. I want to be able to go to BlogHer.

10. I want to know what I want to be when I grow up.

11. I want to be able to go to the doctor---or anywhere else that costs, which feels like everywhere---and pay without feeling nausea roil in my stomach.

12. I want more patience. When bad things happen---as they will---I don't want to feel angry instead of feeling powerless.

That'll do, donkey, that'll do.

Do you have wants and wishes?

copyright 2007 Julie Pippert

24 comments:

Kyla said...

This was great. I share most, if not all of those, and I definitely want #9 for you. :)

I'd list a few more...but I think it would get depressing if I did. Yesterday was for depressing, today is not. But I will say answers. I want answers so much.

kaliroz said...

Julie, I'm lockstep with you on almost each and everyone of these.

A good friend and I discussed money and we realized that a free and clear million, after taxes, would do us just fine. It's just getting that million that's troublesome.

I want to go to BlogHer too.

Karen said...

Yep, I like your wants/wishes - and my money wishes are much the same as yours - lay-off fears loom large in our house too.
And yes, unraveling is just part of being the mommy in a house - it's what you have to do to make up for all the times you hold it together for everyone else.
One more want that I'd add, I want a girl to raise. Maybe one day...

slouching mom said...

Like Karen, I wouldn't mind having a baby girl.

I want confidence.

I'd really like to be able to afford the cost of finishing our basement. It's frustrating to know that we have all this extra space potentially available to us but also to know that we can't yet make it livable.

I'm sorry about the health issues, really I am. Hugs to you.

Mrs. Chicky said...

Oh, I hear ya.

I want good hair. Is that too much to ask?

thailandchani said...

Oh, I'll bet we all want and wish for things.

On a global basis, I agree with all of yours. Darfur, affordable healthcare, enough money for everyone to live decently, an end to the conflicts that take place for no other reason than geopolitical power, an end to oppression and discrimination and an end to violence against women.

On a sillier basis, I wish for a worldwide ban on loud music playing in cars or apartments!

On a purely selfish basis, I wish for more confidence, better health and to have the money and resources to simply leave for Thailand ... now. I'm tired of waiting.

Consider really that none of us would do much of anything if we didn't want and wish.


Peace,

~Chani

Lawyer Mama said...

If we're ordering baby girls, I'll take one over here too.

I want you to be able to go to BlogHer too, damnit.

And I hear you on #8. Hell, I hear you on all of them. Let's be greedy together.

Mary-LUE said...

If I remove all perspective from my life, the sky-high view from which I, too, can count blessings and defer my wants, my list would look something like this:

1. To have had an education which challenged me and better prepared me for something. I'm not sure what, but something.

2. To never go hungry again... oh wait, that's Scarlet O'Hara. Mine would be to never have to diet again. I want the perfect metabolism.

3. To be out of debt.

4. To never have to pick up after myself or my loved ones ever again.

5. To have my own reading room.

6. To have no emotional baggage.

7. For Paul not to travel.

8. For whirled peas (You know what I mean.)

9. To never lose my temper.

10. Oh, all that and my perspective back, too! ;)

Snoskred said...

Do I ever.. ;) I won't list them for fear they might go on for a few pages.. ;)

DO you have a library nearby? See if they have "The Gift Of Fear" by Gavin De Becker. It might help out with #4.

flutter said...

8. I want to be healthy again. I don't want this sickness or these changes. I want my energy and my health back. I don't want to be the most expensive person and highest need person in my family any longer.




This wish is my #1 and reduces me to tears, frequently. I am sorry it has to be on your list, too.

Ally said...

Phew. I want many of those things, too. But no more baby girls around here, please. I'm all full up.

Mary-LUE said...

Oh yeah, on the greed and shallow or just human question? Just human of course!

Emily said...

I want you to get a nice surprise this week :)

TastesLikeCrazy said...

"I want to know what I want to be when I grow up."
You know, it's taken me 25 years to realize that the only reason that adults always asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up was because they haven't figured it out yet for themselves.

Here's to finding a soft place to land.

http://TastesLikeCrazy.blogspot.com

kim said...

1, 2, and 10.

Your list has deeply humbled me.

Julie Pippert said...

Kyla, oh hon I want that too for you. For her.

****

Roz, I know. I'll take a million, heck, I'll take $250,000. Shall we proceed with the Interview Scheme? ;)

****

Karen, it's good to be in good company while distressing to have company, WIM? LOL Yeah unraveling is necessary every now and again.

I'll send you all my pink vibes. I am apparently finished with them and they work quite well. :)

***

SM, I've got plenty of pink to spare. Some for you too. I want to add a wish. I want a wand. A magic wand. I want to wave it and you have the confidence and the basement too. It's ahrd to grasp that you want confidence though...you see so confident, and with so much great about you.

****

Mrs. Chicky, I want an eye for an eye. I want Mitt in a kennel on the top of a car. ;) And good hair for you. :)

****

Chani, yes, I like your list. And I add my wishes to yours for you: confidence (ditto the comment---you have so much great about you; the Wizard hasn't really got any magic, only an ability to show you inside); good health; and the life you want in Thailand.

****

LM, sorry to hear #8 is part of your life. I'm getting a little low on pink (surely, LOL) but you get all the rest I have. You have to live it up for me too in Chicago.

****

Ah M-L, love your list. I can identify with so much of it. I add wishes to yours for you too.

****

Snos, I have heard of that book. I'll see about it, although I confess with some trepidation. I haven't found too many books in that genre that have truly appealed to me.

****

Flutter, back at you. Nothng worse than chronic, well okay yes, there is worse, but it stinks anyway. I'm sorry you have to deal with it.

****

Ally maybe you can share the pink too LOL. I hope your wants and wishes are fulfilled.

****

Emily, thanks. That's really nice.

****

TLC, okay interesting, that perspective. I bet you are right, LOL. How amazing. I always thought it was for personal amusement and to use for teasing later on LOL. Thanks for the wish. I like that.

****

Kim, you know, I think writing this list made things concrete for me (instead of a mild buzzing like flies I try to ignore) so maybe it can become a goal list. 1 & 2 let's keep hoping. 10, let's keep trying. Thanks.

Queen of the Mayhem said...

Glad to see that you actually have these days too! You know what they say, misery LOVES company! :)

I want:
1. To go back in time and beat myself within an inch of my life so I am NOT able to rack of frivolous credit card debt that I am STILL paying off!

2. To be able to afford the tummy tuck and boob lift that will make me look HOT! (hee-hee)

3. To take two steps forward, financially, without being blindsided by some unforeseen expense and taking three steps back!

I hope sharing made you feel better....reading it sure did it for me.

jen said...

i want you to have all of those things too, friend.

Christine said...

#8

I don't know what ails you friend, but I wish that #8 comes true for you. . .

Sober Briquette said...

julie, I want to send you a hug.

mayberry said...

I want those things for you, too, and for others that are wishing and wanting them.

Jo said...

I have so many of those same wants and I use to allow myself the non-guilty pleasure of wanting things even if I never asked for them or got them.

I don't think there's anything wrong with you doing the same girl.

Snoskred said...

That book completely changed my life, Julie. It's possibly not about what it seems to be about - I found it to be more about listening to your intuition. We fear when we should not. It's really worth a read. :)

Sometimes Oprah gets it right, and that was one of the best books I ever found out about on her show.

Snoskred
http://snoskred.blogspot.com/

PinkPowerSuit.com said...

Good list. Health: really makes or breaks everything else, doesn't it?

I wish for people to be honest. Everyone. Enough schmoozing, enough exaggerating, enough flattery, enough flat-out lying. The world would be so much easier to live in if we all had the confidence to just be who we are and stop trying to impress each other! Why not impress with our true good qualities and not with superficial things?

I'm feeling a big rant coming on and a need to blog...