The one where I explain what the Grinch, Charlie Brown and I all have in common

Part 1: How I resemble the Grinch

Every One in the world liked Christmas a lot...
But Julie Pippert, who lived south of Houston, Did NOT!

Julie hated Christmas! The whole Christmas season!
Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason.

But I think that the most likely reason of all,
May have been that the month was simply too small.

For, you see, when the month of December rolled round,
She had birthdays and parties and demands abound.

Buy plates, hats, gifts, and balloons.
The guests are all coming, the party's too soon!

Her head spun in circles, she looked quite a fright,
Mopping and sweeping, polishing her home perfectly right.

Juggling Christmas and Birthdays should be a joy,
But all Julie could say, with a sigh, was, 'Oh boy!'

She struggled to execute every single detail,
Endlessly rechecking her phone and email.

It seems RSVPs are in short supply this time of year,
She had no clue at all who meant to come here.

Not to mention the holiday open house and the cookie exchange,
Was it one or two dozen? She didn't want to shortchange.

She stared out from her unadorned home with a frown,
At the festive holiday decorations all over the town.

"A snowman out of recycled materials!" she cried to the heavens,
""While I sit amidst chaos, all sixes and sevens!"

Then she growled, with her bitten nails nervously drumming,
"I MUST find some way to stop Christmas from coming!"

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Charlie Brown: I just don't understand Christmas, I guess. I like getting presents and sending Christmas cards and decorating trees and all that, but I'm still not happy. I always end up feeling depressed.

Linus Van Pelt: Charlie Brown, you're the only person I know who can take a wonderful season like Christmas and turn it into a problem. Maybe Lucy's right. Of all the Charlie Browns in the world, you're the Charlie Browniest.

Julie Pippert: Au contraire, Linus, my blanketed friend. Good ol' Charlie Brown is not alone. Charlie Brown, I feel ya, homie. I may the Charlie Browniest of them all.

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Clearly, I am feeling the Pressure of the Season more than the Joy.

I am overcome by Expected Happiness.

We all know December is a month of constant activity and demands: the normal routine is utterly lost, and requests for time, money and attention are constant. I'm not alone; people all around me are stressed. It shows in our strain and how we snap all too easily.

But it's not just the stress from this. It's the real stress to keep up the Spirit of the Season.

The stress to be happy and enjoy (!) has turned my smile upside down.

As you can see, I am clearly the love child of Grinchie and Charlie. Just call me Bad, Bad Leroy Brown, the baddest mother in the whole damn town.

I'm trying to cut things to keep it simple, yet sweet, but each hack seems ruthless. Who trims Christmas? Trimming is for trees, not fun!

So. Here I sit, on the cusp of Joyful Events feeling in the dumps and more than a little sorry for myself. It's okay, I want to slap me, too.

I promise myself that it's just the build-up; once I get to the fun, I'll enjoy myself. And surely I am right, but I surprise myself every now and again...I'm that unpredictable.

Just one more day of snapping at the children to NOT! MESS! UP! THIS! FREAKING! HOUSE! AND! WILL! YOU! PLEASE! STOP! PLAYING! WITH! TOYS! AND! NO! MORE! EATING! IT! MAKES! A! MESS!

(Parenthetical edits added per Jenn's excellent suggestion.)

I will have fun (damn it).
I will have fun (damn it).
I will have fun (damn it).
I will have fun (damn it).
I will have fun (damn it).

Will Quiet Pleasure do?

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One of the bright spots on the blogosphere horizon is my buddy Anne Nahm at annenahm.com. She has been posting these things that seriously make me LOL. WARNING: If you lack a sense of humor, especially one that involves anything to do with Christmas or the Christ Child? Don't follow these links.

It all started with Mmm...Sacrilegious.
Anne was perplexed by this Rule that one never places the baby Jesus in the creche before the 25th. My inner Church Lady came out all fierce and admitted a peeve. But then I conceded her point that (a) what to do with the figure of baby Jesus until then was a toughie, and (b) it was a little creepy to have all these adults standing around an empty cradle. I meant to be funny, but instead my throat got lumpy, my stomach flopped, and my brain turned to mushy morosity. Adults gathered around an empty cradle. My life, and that of so many I know and love, especially right now, made my heart seize and ache. And it was all supposed to be FUNNY.

So Anne took pity on me. And in the comments (that wonder blogger!) she included a hilarious photo. I'll C&P it until she sues me for copyright infringement and then you'll have to go to her site and scroll down the comments and look at it yourself:



I can't explain how or why but that was the exact perfect balm to make me feel relieved, peaceful, and grow a sense of humor.

I told her the only way that could have made me laugh any harder was if it included a cracker.

So Anne obliged in I Say ‘Putting on The Ritz’ Was A Valid Answer (WARNING: 1. Engage humor. 2. Potty break before clicking.)

But can the fun end there? Oh, no no no no nyet nein non! Baby J’s First Day Out on Parole

It's a lot of clicking people, but oh, so worth it to see Anne and Baby J's Excellent Adventures. Anne is the bomb (or current modern equivalent).

And now we all know where my sense of humor is, besides in the gutter: paving my way straight to Hell.

At least I'll be laughing all the way. ;)

Copyright 2007 Julie Pippert
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