Julie Pippert: Using My Words

The clerk told me the total and I flinched. Literally. We'd just finished gathering all the school supplies specified on the list for my oldest daughter, now in an upper grade of elementary. The expectations are much higher. And so is the cost. It's also a lot harder. Her questions are more complex, and her moods more mercurial. Once upon a time I could have gone to the store and bought the supplies for her. Now, however, she has a vested interest in this and all purchases, as well as many aspects of life…because in her mind, they all reflect on her. She sees herself in a new way. She's becoming self-conscious about the music she listens to, the clothes she wears, how she fixes her hair and accessorizes, the way she talks…everything. When did all this happen and what do I do? I swear five minutes ago she was just starting to talk! So, after shopping, I came to Facebook and stated that back to school shopping was a physical pain and added a few melodramatic OUCH c...

It's been a little stressful around here lately. My husband's car, which we just invested a couple grand in back in the Spring with hope it could last a couple more years, went kaput. Both of us are working a lot, and let's just say that while we're glad for employment, the dollar doesn't stretch like it used to. Due to emergencies like the car, some of the less pressing "need to dos" for our house keep getting pushed further down the priority list, which is a bit of an issue. You know, life. Life is a little rough around the edges for a lot of us. As adults, we're more or less equipped to deal with it. Age brings perspective, and if you're lucky, a good set of tools and community to lean on while dealing with it. Kids don't have this, though. It's hard to say no to kids about things you once said yes to. It's hard to cut things from their lives that you all once enjoyed. You know it's a good example, and the right thing to do, but ...

"Let's be friends forever -- LYLAS!" has morphed into "Let's be BFFs!" since I was a girl, but the meaning is still the same: young, open hearts feel a swell of emotional connection and want to extend that warm and lovely sense. Forever, though, is a really different concept from person to person. My girls take it pretty literally, and do sincerely mean it. I understand this; it's my way too. I don't understand it as a fleeting metaphor. When my girls encounter this, their hearts break and they sob in my arms, "Why does she not want to be my friend any more?" For now, it is their buddies. In a few years, though, I know it will be something more. How can you explain to the broken-hearted that one doesn't love more or less but that some others have more of a plural approach to love and friendship, in counter to their more singular approach? You hug them, bless their lovely loyal hearts, and help piece back together a heart hopefully left ...

As my husband and I ponder the best place and path for our oldest daughter... our beautiful precious Angel, who feels so deeply and intensely, thinks so logically, and who is, apparently, not on the same track as her peers, completely, for intelligence or emotional development, and who is, allegedly, according to educators, just enough ahead to make it slightly challenging and uncomfortable As we ponder her amazing empathy remarkable insight deeply embedded and held intellectual curiosity inspiring self-motivated learning and accomplishing I asked her, off-handedly, for a real reason but no real reason what she thought of the kids in the grade ahead. The only one I really know, Mom, she told me, was really really rude, like mean. How's that I asked? Heart pounding in my chest, recognizing that here we go again I think In the bathroom, my beautiful precious Angel said, In the bathroom this girl told me that she hated me. Hated me echoed around the deep cavern in my chest created to ...

My husband and I were turning thirty. We'd been married for five years or so and the families had the grandchild bug bad. Both of our sisters had recently presented the Most Perfect Precious little baby girls ever born, and our parents figured, based on our niece's extreme level of adorable and intelligent, that their children (meaning us) were capable of producing wonderful babies, the best kind of baby: the sort who does cute and then goes home with their parents. Everyone loves a child whose diaper, feeding, and crying all night is not their problem. Until you actually become a parent, you really have no idea how much work the care and feeding of a baby will seem like to you. Every parent has a big job ahead of him and her, but some of us are lazier and more self-indulgent than others. But you never know that, really, before. So, one day, after caring for our two nieces--- at the same time ---we figured we were ready for kids. What's the saying? God laughs at those who ...

Hi. I'm speaking from the position of a person with two kids. Not babies, kids. And trust me, that makes a difference. While they still need us on a daily basis in many ways, our kids don't need us on a minute basis. In general, that means things such as if a kid is thirsty, I can say, "Hey you know where the cups and water are..." if a kid is hungry, I can say, "Hey, grab a cheese stick or apple." if a kid wakes up before sunrise on a Saturday I can say, "Hey, go play in the playroom." if a kid is bored I can say, "Hey, go knock next door and see if your friend can play." Do you see a theme? I have more space, more choice. My kids are fairly independent, and I can baby them, or not. But they do still need me, and parent is still my number one job. Recently, there has been some hoopla about a couple of articles that were semi to very critical about breastfeeding and its antifeminist yoke. I've read several bloggy responses, comments t...

This is Part 1 in a series about the balance between self and parent, and parenting during challenges. Part 1: The Quiet Chat and why I had it When I worked in publishing, one of my authors, a doctor, introduced me to a new phrase: The Quiet Chat. You don't want to know what it means, but I'm going to tell you anyway. It's the medical equivalent of the Blue Wall. In other words, when a doctor has a problem---drugs, alcohol, shaky hand, memory loss, etc---the medical world prefers to deal with it quietly, behind closed doors. Without going into any kind of discussion about the pros and cons of this strategy for managing problems, let's just leave our stomachs right in that gut reaction of More Than Faintly Disturbed and transition over to the kind of Quiet Chat parents get to have. Don't you prefer to handle your family's situations privately? And yet, how often do you really get to do that? Of all the things in life, parenting tends to be one of the most public...

In the morning when they crawl into bed with you, half asleep still, warm and scented so poignantly of themselves, when they stretch their ever longer bodies alongside you, give a wiggle to snuggle in, when you wrap your arm around them and by habit they lift their heads a little, when you bury your nose in their hair and your mouth reflexively kisses the crown of their heads, when the sky outside is shifting from navy to a dense gray, the time before the pinkening...you feel a contentment so deep and perfect it feels like a quiet joy. It feels like a joy so marvelous it is near silent, with no need to trumpet itself. Your hope rises with the dawn, glowing with the yellowing sun. You think it's good, this is good, and it's okay, it will all be okay. That's important because you---those of you who mother---know that every day somewhere in at least one corner of your heart is the fear that your child will be hurt (or worse) in this life, and you can't get rid of it becaus...