Sunday, March 26, 2006

Deliberately vague week recap

Usually I write these entries and imagine an audience. But often I feel like it's really just for me. So I want to use it to write out...just some things going on, thoughts about it, etc. SiteMeter is like my conscience, reminding me that I am, after all, posting on the Internet, openly, so anyone anywhere can read this. This requires a level of discretion. I have to be a bit deliberately vague.

This has been a week of highs and lows.

Does anyone remember The Story of Us?

I don't much, but I do remember one detail from it. At each nightly family dinner, Michelle Pfeiffer would briskly ask each family member to recount the day's high and low, briefly. One liners. They'd go around the table, fling out the high and the low and then I don't remember what else. I loved that idea, say the high and low. But then, then what do you do with that tidbit? How does it fit in? Do you discuss it?

I'm more of a storyteller, but stories require details.

So this week, I'm just going to try to do brief recap a la Katie Jordan.

High: I'm a valuable contributor at work
Low: The money has run out

High: I have a great group of friends. Wonderful people, with huge hearts, open minds, and always ready to be there, for fun or support.
Low: My kids are maniacs who don't sleep.

High: I can be a good friend too. I have matured past thinking I know what is right and need to shove, and now understand better about listening and guiding.
Low: Work money has run out, things are more complicated, and I still have no other income source. I might have to lose my wonderful sitter.

High: The low slow day.
Low: Work and money issues escalate. Tired of feeling Traumatic.

Friday...Many ties
High: Getting my washing machine fixed, finally. A wonderful evening, after other wonderful evenings, with good friends. Thinking up a solution about the sitter that might really work out for the best for everyone.
Low: An e-mail I got that seemed to highlight my failures and downplay my achievements. TIE for first: End of the week, and no call back as promised for a job prospect.

Combined with lack of sleep and overall stress from that, layered with the rest of it, by yesterday I was a fairly on edge person. And so was the family.

I decided to do Quick Change! to improve matters. I said, "Let's go get the car seat!" It's well past time to upgrade everyone to proper fitting seats. Out and about can sometimes change the tune. Apparently I was the only one who felt broken, or at least the only one who felt the need for a Quick Change! My older daughter was watching Land Before Time, with no desire to change her circumstance. My husband was playing a game on the computer---the sort that takes four hours to quit. My younger daughter was happy to have the playroom and toys all to herself.

I couldn't seem to get anyone to budge. So I decided to go alone. Out alone anyway.

No sooner do I get in the car and start it than everyone is rushing out: huh, what, wait.

So I do. To my regret. I would have loved that time alone. Especially compared to the whine, rant, tantrum, scream and generally unpleasant time it became.

Today is gorgeous weather. My house is a mess. I want a better day. I'm ready to talk about all that is going on. It took some times to process but I am ready. Now I need to find willing ears. And clean my house. And enjoy this day.

By Julie Pippert
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