Skip to main content

How I Prepare to Be the Official BlogHer StalkHer

While the rest of you. . .
  • shine your fancy tickets to BlogHer,
  • buy new cute yet comfy shoes,
  • plot wardrobes with the intensity of a brigadier general,
  • check the mailbox hourly for razzle dazzle cards,
  • RSVP to parties that overlap,
  • hack into databases to see who is going to be where and when,
  • plan escape routes with trusted friends,
  • bribe city officials for the official blueprints of the Hilton NYC,
  • create elaborate index card systems of conference tracks and panels,
  • study Facebook photos and bios like a sorority girl before rush,
  • set up Google alerts for any blog or Web mention of BlogHer 10 (plus BlogHer 10+your name, just in case),
  • hound insiders for secret appearance special guest names,
  • and more. . .
I am in complex and highly technical preparations myself to be the official BlogHer StalkHer.

First, it's necessary that every StalkHer suit up in the appropriate outfit. I'm thinking this looks about right, minus, of course, the strong masculine jawline and five o'clock shadow.

(Frankly, Google has offended me again. Last week I asked about "baby changing tables in men's restrooms" and Google asked me if I meant "baby changing tables in women's restrooms." No GOOGLE, you sexist pig, I mean MEN'S. Some people may call it babysitting when a dad takes charge of the kids, but I call it PARENTING and some fathers do too, such as the ones who will take their baby into the bathroom to change a dirty diaper aka MOST DADS. Now? Google wants to be sure I meant "female bandit." Which, by the way, DO NOT GOOGLE THAT. It's a slew of fetish and playboy and penthouse results. "Bandit costume" provides much better results, albeit all for the men. As usual.)

Anyway, the outfit:



Second, one needs one's tools of the trade. I've been jonesing for an excuse to get this ever since I heard about it:


Micro Ear Gear -- no conversation is safe from me!

Finally, I need a gimmick. This should do the trick:



Everybody clap clap your hands and let's get funky!

Anyway...don't pity me, in my Zorro outfit doing the Cha Cha Slide with a supersonic spy gear hearing piece hanging off my ear.

Just find me and say HI!

(You guys know I'm kidding, right! I've got some spectacular events and plans, and fun with friends lined up. But do not despair! I have, of course, dedicated some time during the day Friday and until my flight on Saturday to StakHer-ing!)

Comments

Magpie said…
Can't wait. Must see you!
Yolanda said…
A hilarious post. Have rip-roaring good time.
Florinda said…
Well, you won't be hard to miss in that outfit :-). And I stayed at the Hilton New York last month, so I got a sneak peek at the floor plan...

Hope to see you StalkHer-ing around!
alejna said…
Awww, you're going to be the StalkHer? I've wanted to go to BlogHer, but I also don't have those fancy tickets to shine. I've toyed with the idea of taking the train down to NY for a day to see if I can stalk some people myself, but I'm not a very competent stalker. I don't even have a costume planned!

If I do get down there, can I stalk you?
Kyla said…
Siiiigh. Kiss some Canadians for me, I'm out again this year. Premed is killing my social life, LOL.
nonlineargirl said…
I am glad I got to glimpse you and wave hi briefly, but am sad I missed seeing you in your zorro-outfitted splendor. Next year?

Popular posts from this blog

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Quorum

After being confronted with written evidence, Julie admits that she is a total attention whore. In some things, in some ways, sometimes I look outward for validation of my worth and existence. I admit it. It's my weak spot, my vanity spot . If you say I am clever, comment on a post, offer me an award, mention me on your blog, reply to a comment I left on your blog, or in any way flatter me as a writer...I am hopelessly, slavishly devoted to you. I will probably even add you to my blogroll just so everyone can see the list of all the cool kids who actually like me . The girl, she knows she is vain in this regard , but after much vanity discussion and navel-gazing , she has decided to love herself anyway, as she is (ironically) and will keep searching for (1) internal validation and (2) her first person . Until I reach a better point of self-actualization, though, may I just say that this week you people have been better than prozac and chocolate (together, with a side of whi

In defense of vanity...I think

Do you have one of those issues where you argue with yourself? Where you just aren't sure what you actually think because there are so many messages and opinions on the topic around you? I have more than one like this. However, there is one topic that has been struggling to the top of my mind recently: vanity and perceived vanity. Can vanity be a good thing? Vanity has historically been truly reviled. Vanity is number seven of the Seven Deadly Sins. It's the doppleganger of number seven on the Seven Holy Virtues list: humility. There are many moralistic tales of how vanity makes you evil and brings about a spectacular downfall. Consider the lady who bathed in the blood of virgins to maintain her youth. Google Borgia+vanity and find plenty. The Brothers Grimm and Disney got in on the act too. The Disney message seems to be: the truly beautiful don't need to be vain. They are just naturally eye-catchingly gorgeous. And they are all gorgeous. Show me the Reubenesque Pr

Is your name yours? How your name affects your success...

Made by Andrea Micheloni Not too long ago I read What's in a name? by Veronica Mitchell. She'd read the NPR/USA Today article, Blame it on your name , that shared new research results: "a preference for our own names and initials — the 'name-letter effect' — can have some negative consequences." Veronica's post and that article got me thinking about names, and their importance. Changing to my husband’s name and shedding my maiden name was no love lost for me. By the time we married, I’d have gladly married any other name just for a change. My maiden name was a trial; I was sick of spelling it, pronouncing it, explaining it, and dealing with the thoughtless rude comments about it. My sister and I dreamed and planned for the day we could shed that name. So I wonder, sometimes, whether I adequately considered what a name change would actually mean. Heritage and genealogy matter to me and my maiden name reflected a great deal of familial history. Histo