Julie Pippert: Using My Words

Lately, my kids have been competing for the award for Bickeriest Bickerton Ever. I find myself saying, constantly, things such as: If you start a sentence with No no no no no no, you are probably starting a battle. If you start a sentence with this sarcastic tooooonnnnnneeee, you are probably starting a battle. If you accuse someone of something awful -- you lied! you stole! you broke! you're so weird! -- you are probably starting a battle. I am trying to convince my kids that starting a battle is a bad plan. It takes time, wastes energy, creates an unpleasant environment, leaves everyone feeling bad, and doesn't accomplish a thing. I don't want them growing up feeding off negativity like drama vampires, you see. In point of fact, I don't want them to grow up to be thoughtless or bullies or only able to relate via "telling it like it is" and through harshness and cruelty. Lately, though, it's getting harder, and I think I realized my tolerance is at an all...

"Let's be friends forever -- LYLAS!" has morphed into "Let's be BFFs!" since I was a girl, but the meaning is still the same: young, open hearts feel a swell of emotional connection and want to extend that warm and lovely sense. Forever, though, is a really different concept from person to person. My girls take it pretty literally, and do sincerely mean it. I understand this; it's my way too. I don't understand it as a fleeting metaphor. When my girls encounter this, their hearts break and they sob in my arms, "Why does she not want to be my friend any more?" For now, it is their buddies. In a few years, though, I know it will be something more. How can you explain to the broken-hearted that one doesn't love more or less but that some others have more of a plural approach to love and friendship, in counter to their more singular approach? You hug them, bless their lovely loyal hearts, and help piece back together a heart hopefully left ...