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There's no funny like kindergarten boy funny

Since Patience began kindergarten, she's come home at least three to four days a week with a story about a boy in her class that seriously makes me laugh out loud.

I know she tells me the stories not because they are humorous but because she's puzzled by the boys and what they said or did, and a little disgusted. I can tell she's already figuring out that XY people can be very different from XX people. I can tell she's already forming the age-old female conclusion that boys are just so very boy sometimes.

I'd spent most of yesterday at my best friend's house. She and another good friend (the mother of Persistence's adorable Love of Her Life) were doing some serious home renovation. My contribution was largely to entertain them while they worked and mediate territorial disagreements among the three year olds. They were still heavy into the demo portion (the moms, not the three year olds, although technically, that description could be apt for them too) when it was time to fetch the older kids from school so I volunteered to shepherd the pack back to the house.

The kindergartners came out first (for bike riders) so I caught Patience and my best friend's middle one, and then waited for the big kids to come out.

As we stood there, Patience looked at me and told me about the latest boy antic in her class. I wish you could have heard how she said it because her tone might have been the funniest part.

Patience (disgusted tone of voice and dry delivery): Sam put ink in his hair.
Me: What?!?
Patience: Sam. Put. Ink. In. His. Hair.
Me (asking those stupid questions adults ask, largely to buy processing time): Sam put ink in his hair? Why would he do that?
Patience: I don't know. I guess to see what would happen.
Me: So what happened?
Patience: It made a big black splotch in his hair.
Patience: Is that funny, Mom? I don't think his mom will think it's funny. I think his mom's going to be angry.
Me (trying to control self): Right, but I'm not Sam's mom and my kid didn't put ink in her hair. So yeah, it's funny...a little bit.
Patience: Well, it was kind of funny. That big black splotch on his yellow hair.
Me: What did your teacher say?
Patience: She said his mom was going to be pretty mad.
Me: I bet.
Patience: She also said his mom was going to be pretty mad about his shirt.
Me: His shirt? He put ink on his shirt too?
Patience: No, he cut his shirt, with scissors. Cut out diamonds in it.
Me (starting to feel pretty sorry for the kindie teacher, Sam, and Sam's mom now): So he's going home with a cut up shirt and ink in his hair?
Patience: And shoes.
Me: What did he do to his shoes?
Patience: He sliced those with scissors too. But so did Peter.
Me: Peter sliced his shoes and put ink in his hair too?
Patience (duh tone): Noooo Moooooom, he cut off his shoelaces.
Me: He (LOL) cut off (LOL) his shoelaces? Why would he do that?
Patience: I don't know. To see what would happen I guess. Teacher said his mom was going to be pretty mad, too. I think Peter and Sam's moms must be pretty mad all the time.
Me: Why is that?
Patience: They do this allllll the tiiiiiiiime.
Me: They cut their clothes and put ink in their hair?
Patience: No but it's always something with those two.
Me (imagining exactly who she got that phrase from): LOL
Patience: Well at least we can be thankful Teacher stopped it before it spread to any other little boys.
Me (imagining exactly who she got that phrase from): LOL
Patience: And at least Peter didn't flip in his chair again today.

Copyright 2007 Julie Pippert
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Anonymous said…
LOL is right. What a day for Teacher.

I knew what to expect because when my fairly sheltered niece got to Kindergarten, she was at first shocked and then imitative of the boy behavior.

Fiona is seated at a table with the worst boy in class. As Patience says, "it's always something with him." In January, they're getting reassigned, for which I am extremely grateful.
Magpie said…
If it's not one thing, it's another.

dharmamama said…
I was *so* confused when my youngest was small, and would do - these things - like, toss a kitten in the clothes washer or be mean to the dog. I honestly thought there might be something horribly, horribly wrong with him. Until I was telling a friend about it, and she said, "Um - he's a BOY. That's how they are." Completely took me by surprise, as I only had sisters, and my oldest is of the more sensitive, empathetic, artistic variety of boy.

Having him has added so much to my life that I wouldn't have had otherwise, fart jokes and all. (He made up and told his first one of those when had just turned 3!)

I love boys. And I love your daughter's reaction to them.
SciFi Dad said…
That conversation is awesome! Thanks for sharing it.
Kyla said…
Oh boy, those boys!

My grandma used this phrase to explain my dad's behavior, "Oh, he's just busy." And now that's what my parents say about BubTar.

As for the why of it? There is no why. Brain synapses fire and action is taken. No middle man in that process. LOL.
Whirlwind said…
The joys of sending kids to school so they can learn all sorts of "fun" new tricks!

We had dinner the other night with some friends of ours and one mom says to us, I don't think X knows Einey is a girl because he doesn't act like he does with her like other girls. She's just his best friend!.
I love the fact that she perceives their mischief as something that can "spread" to the other boys. Too funny.
Julie Pippert said…
De, Patience initially shared a table with three kids, two of them Busy Boys (one featured in this story). They've since shifted tables and now no longer sit co-ed, so she's at a table with the three nicest little girls, including her best friend. She's happy as a clam. They'll switch again I imagine. Her centers partner is Sam. That's how I get so many Sam stories. I think he gets away with it because he seems to be fairly quiet and while the teacher is all distracted by the loud boys, the stealthy ones go to town.

Kindergarten teachers are heroes. I swear they deserve a medal.


Mag, I was at the school today and there was Sam, hair scrubbed but still a little dark in a few spots. I kept giggling.


Dharma, I do not know if I could have parented boys. I imagine you rise to whatever parenting task you are given but I am pleased to have girls. Still it's good to hear a mother of boys admit to some consternation. Boys frequently constern me (call Webster's, new word).


SciFi Dad, anytime, although I'm sure you hear plenty like this. LOL


Kyla, what? BubTar is busy? What? He's so deliberate and thoughtful. My kids were swinging on the furniture like monkeys and BubTar was so calm...he even listened to instructions about how to use the camera. I call my kids busy, too, but you know, I've seen busy boys. OY VEY


Whirlwind, that's so cute. Persistence's Love of Her Life knows he's a boy, but I've been working for months to convince her of the same. I don't think either of them know the "boy" and "girl" rules though. She's happy to play trucks and he's happy to dress like a princess.


Jeff, LOL, I did not even question that part. I think that bad ideas CAN spread like viruses among kids LOL!
OMG, that poor teacher! I can empathize, although I have never sent home a child quite that tattered from a day of Kindergarten!
Oh, the stories....too funny! The things kids do!
we_be_toys said…
LOL...! I have two boys, and its true - they are so very BOY-ish! At times the testosterone is overwhelming in this house and I have to go out with the girls, just to remember how girls act.
Funny post - thanks for the laugh! I was in a 3rd grade class all day - I needed it!
Melissa said…
I have boys like that. My younger one convinced a friend to lock him in his locker so he could see what it looked like when the door was closed (kind of like the fridge). The teacher didn't buy the other kid's story and HE got in trouble, not my son. But is was totally his idea...

It's a Y chromosome thing. For sure.
flutter said…
I love boys that age, crack me up
Kat said…
All I could think about while reading this was, "please don't let that be my boys when they get older, please don't let that be my boys when they get older..."
Lawyer Mama said…
Oh that poor, poor teacher! But then I started having the same thought as Kathryn. Because I could totally see that being my Holden in a few years....
painted maypole said…
oh wow. i haven't gotten those kind of stories yet. but with only 10 kids in MQ's class it's probably a little easier for the teacher to stop such things a little earlier in the process! ;)
Michelle said…
Oh my goodness - I used to teach kindergarten and this story took me RIGHT.BACK. (It's funnier on this side, let me tell you...)

atypical said…
Um, can I just say that even when I AM the teacher and my own 5 boys are the only ones in attendance, these things are still regular enough around here!

Spongebob curly-head (who takes EVERYTHING apart) actually has a handful of screws in his drawer that belong to we know not what. I keep waiting for something to fall apart when I sit on it.

Angela said…
Just think, if those boys grow up and go to Yale and have a C average, they can be president someday!
ALM said…
Oh yeah. Boys. Got two of 'em. Never ever a dull moment.

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