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Monday Mission: How to help a friend achieve her goal

My Monday Mission today is to help a friend, step by step.

As you may (or may not) know, Stephanie (aka LawyerMama) has been hoping her celebrity crush Wil Wheaton will leave a comment on her blog. He did this for our friend Jenny, once.

I have decided to throw my hat into the ring and help Stephanie achieve her goal, because that is what friends do, right? They help friends stalk celebrities.

We're hoping more friends will join in. But you can leave your bag of duct tape, cutout magazine letters, Richard Nixon mask, and dime store cotton gloves at home. It's not that kind of stalking.

(Wait, is that the Stalker Kit or the Bank Robbery kit? Hang on, let me check the labels...oh, oops! Bank Robbery! It's so easy to get those felonies confused. The Stalker Kit bag is the one you get at the military supply store. Right: empty plastic jug, canteen of water, MREs, bag of Twizzlers, and binoculars. Not even one supply in common. Sorry for the confusion. I'm still operating under Cold Medicine.)

To reiterate:

Not the goal

The goal

This is Girl Gush 1960 style stalking: you keep screaming his name from behind the red rope, maybe with a few, "Stephanie LOVES YOU WIL!!! AHHHHHHH!!!" thrown in and hope he turns and grants you a nod of his sorta kinda mostly semi-famous head.

This worked for me in 1990 with Neil Finn. I even got to see the inside of the band's tour bus and got an invite to a post-concert party. So I know it is a surefire successful tactic.

Famous people are just like any other people: they put their pants on one leg at a time.

Hmm, that doesn't work. As we all know or suspect (A) some celebrities don't wear pants (or underpants), (B) there is no telling how they put their pants on. They may have valets to do it, or some pole they slide down and put both legs in at once (or something way fancier than that...I mean, money buys everything).

I assume Wil is more likely than most to (a) wear pants and (b) put them on one leg at a time, but still, we're probably not going to get very far by calling a Celebrity something like a Normal person.

I mean, that's the point, right? They aren't normal.

Wait, that came out wrong.

What I am trying to say is that although celebrities are humans, they aren't normal like the rest of us.

(Someone PLEASE take this shovel away before I dig myself in any deeper!)

Okay look here's the bottom line: as anyone who is or even isn't normal might, celebrities like attention and their egos flattered. So that's what we're going to do.

We're going to flatter Wil Wheaton with positive attention in the hopes this will motivate him to leave a comment for Stephanie.

(Come on, Wil, it's the holiday season...share the joy.)

If you'd like to join in, here's how (it's so easy):

1. Write a "Wil, comment to Steph, for the love of Riker, just leave her a comment already!" post or postscript to a post, or comment here.

Come up with your own appealing reason of why he wants to do that. I mean, appealing to his love of Riker might not work. That might motivate me but perhaps not him. He might need something else, such as "for the love of traffic" or "for the love of NUMB3RS" or maybe even "for the love of book royalties."

If you are really, really cool you will be able to diagram a regression tree analysis using classic C&RT algorithms that demonstrate why commenting was a good idea (see the presumptive past tense that he did do it?). Or something like that.

2. Link to Wil's blog and Steph's blog. Use these links:
Steph's blog:
Lawyer Mama aka Wil's Biggest Fan

Wil's blog:
Wil Wheaton aka Steph's Fave Celeb

3. Link to this post a la a meme.

I will likely reciprocate the link love.

4. Comment so we know who to name when the police...I mean, so we can thank you.

Look how easy that is!

So help Steph get what she wants for Christmas. It's the best gift: feels good and takes up no space or resources.

Wil, show her the love.

P.S. Remember this Wednesday's Hump Day topic is the viral nature of news and gossip (or to that effect) and also this week I'll post links to November's Blogging Pledge Class. It's a good group so make sure your name or a blog you like is on the list!

Copyright 2007 Julie Pippert
Also blogging at:
Using My Words
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Julie Pippert RECOMMENDS: A real opinion about HELPFUL and TIME-SAVING products
Moms Speak Up: Talking about the environment, dangerous imports, health care, food safety, media and marketing, education, politics and many other hot topics of concern.


niobe said…
Just one question: who's this Wil Wheaton dude and why does Steph love him so?

(I know, I know, I could look it up. Is his blog work-safe, at least?)
S said…
Julie, you are a RIOT! Bank Robbery Kit? Stalker Kit?

Julie Pippert said…
For those of you who did not organize your weeks around ST:TNG and Twin Peaks (college for me, diaper stage for many of you):

Wil Wheaton is an actor and writer. He just published a new book, short stories I think. He's most famous for his role on Star Trek: The Next Generation as Wesley Crusher.

As for why Steph loves him? She admitted her crush a couple of weeks ago on her blog. If I were super great I'd get you the link but alas it's a school day so I'm rushing.

Maybe Stephanie will reply.

And yes, his blog is so work safe that were your boss to catch you looking at it he'd commend you for doing tech research. :)
Kyla said…
He sounds and looks familiar, but I don't know him from either of the things you listed. Twin Peaks was not diaper days for me, but probably K-1st grade. My dad and sister watched it in the TV room and I had to be sequestered elsewhere. Bummer. I probably hated it on principle for that. LOL.
Unknown said…
What a good friend you are, Julie! Not everyone is willing to stalk out of friendship. I hope Lawyer Mama gets her Christmas wish.

BTW... Hi! How are you? It's been awhile and all that sort of stuff.
Christine said…
will is cute, but river pheonix was my teenage object of lust.
You are a super good friend, Julie. You are. And funny, too!

Heidi :)
Bea said…
"Wil is more likely than most to (a) wear pants and (b) put them on one leg at a time"

That made me laugh so hard.
Lawyer Mama said…
Julie, you are FABULOUS!!! I love you, girl! (But then you already knew that, right?) And I see my suspicions were correct. You HAVE stalked a celebrity in the past!

It turns out I had the bank robbery kit too, so I'll have to upgrade to the stalker kit now. Thanks.

And for all of you who are wondering what the heck is going on, here's my original post on The Wil:
Melissa said…
Snif. But he's *MY* celebrity crush...but I'll let her have him. I'm not quite willing to go to those lengths to get him.

And his new book is really quite good. Short, but nice. It's "currently on my nightstand". :)
painted maypole said…
wow. i think i have all the things I need for a stalker kit in my closets, I just need to put them in a handy dandy bag and I'll be all set!
Liv said…
if this works, get on the liv wants some george clooney asap.
Girlplustwo said…
you are freaking hilarious.

and good, good, good luck tomorrow!
MARY G said…
Okay, I am so lost it is pathetic. But I am sure going to keep an eye on Lawyer Mama. What if he actually did leave a comment?

Funny, Julie. Now, do you have a kit that I can use to get hauled up into the 21st century? Hiding my eyes and screaming all the way?

Love it!
Angela said…
OK I put my plug in here:

Do you think he'll notice? Perhaps we should point him to this post? I'll go do that right now!
Angela said…
Got my comment on his blog up here:
Sunshine said…
Um, I'm kind of hating on you a little bit on the Neil Finn thing. I LURVE him.

so. jealous.

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