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Ending on a high note... girlie squeal high

The kids are having a Bad Day today ergo I am having a Very Bad Day today. Yep, today has sucked rocks in more than a few ways.

No, seriously. I had to call and vent to my husband by noon. Yeahhh, now you hear me: that kind of day.

Let's just whip through the day I had because I want to quickly move on to the good stuff (plus, dudes, I have been working us all too hard at this blog all week):

1. Whiny uncooperative kids all morning.

As usual, racing to car, racing to school like usual. Persistence being ohhhhhh myyyyyy gosh the Queen of Lollygagland. She has now perfected the art of the extremely suspicious stare...due to receiving it so frequently.

I was already sort of fed up with Persistence since she sneaked downstairs and dumped a tub of yogurt on the coffee table and mixed in half a big box of baby oatmeal in it. Then dripped it on the rug and sofa. Took a freaking hour to scrape that out and clean it up. I couldn't find the missing yogurt tub until this morning...when I found it and the REST of the box of oatmeal clogging the downstairs bathroom sink. See what I mean? Also that kid has been up until 10 p.m. all freaking week. I won't even tell you what all she did upstairs that involved a sharpie marker while I cleaned up the yogurt mess.

Do I sound like I love her? Do I? Do you hear and feel the love?

I hope you stinking do because here's how you know I love her: (a) she lives and (b) she's not for sale on eBay.

2. The no school for me incident

So Persistence and I are all breathing a sigh of relief that Patience got to school on time, and thus proud of ourselves, we run off to spend the hour before her school begins doing errands. And by gum, we got them all done and done well and on time and cruised into her school mighty puffed up with pride in ourselves only to be popped like balloons.

"Julie?" the lady in the office says with an odd tone.

"Ummm, yeah?" I say.

"There's," and here's where the DUH DUH DUH DUMMMMM music began, "No. School. Today."

Holy mother mercy are you freaking kidding me? WTF do I pay for?

(And do you know how hard I must work to NOT say this in a Catholic Church with the priest walking by?)

"Mommy, she say no school?" Persistence asked, worriedly.

"Sorry honey, no school," I affirm. She and I stare sadly at one another.

"But me wan' my fwends, my teachers, my cwasswoom!" she tells me.

"I know, I want that for you too, you have no idea, but sorry, no school."

At this point, one of us collapsed in a crying heap on the floor. I will let you guess which one (odds are 50/50 here), but here's a hint, part of the sobbing included the name of the crier's true love:

"I wan' my Saaaaaaaaaabbbbbbiiiiiiiiiii," wailed the crier, desperately seeking the adorable, black tousled curls Love of her life, Sebastien.

Yes, we departed, leaving our dignity behind like some offering for the Virgin Mary.

3. The school lunch incident

Thus at utter odds with our day, both of us suffering a bad case of the Cranky McCrankypants due to thwarted expectations, Persistence and I straggled home trying hard to think of a way to salvage the day.

"Let's have lunch with Tissy!" I say, feeling a bit better.

"Otay," agrees Persistence, "Let's do now!"

"No, in an hour and a half, three Georgies."

"Toooo loooong," whines Persistence, "Hey! me wan' my Dorgie on now!"

So three Georgies later, we were showing five forms of picture identification and a notarized letter of safety and shooed on through to the cafeteria.

Where, we found---unexpectedly, although it shouldn't have been, it being today and all---that poor Patience's lunch was mysteriously infested with ants. Everyone was slightly panicked and surprisingly glad to see me. Like a gift. From the gods.

Inspired and gratified by this welcome, my mind shot into On mode and came up with a Plan: buy lunch.

So I shuffled the three of us through the lunch line. We ate. We kissed Patience goodbye. We left. All was well, until...

4. The parking lot incident

Persistence, running to evade my authority (Bad Girls, Bad Girls, whatcha gonna do? Whatcha gonna do when mom comes for you?), seriously wiped out in the parking lot. I carried my mortally wounded child (or so you'd think from the scene) to the car, and just when I got her all cleaned up and settled...

5. The smashed finger incident

Because it is still Hot as Hades here in the subtropics (aka Land of Neverending Godforsaken Hot as Hades Summer), I crack the windows to allow hot air to escape the car. This necessitates rolling up the windows after we get in the car and shift the A/C on to "high" and "as cold as freaking possible."

Unbeknownst to me, today happens to be the very day that Persistence not only figured out how to buckle her car seat buckles, but also discovered how to unbuckle them.

So, believing her to be in her car seat, I pushed the buttons to raise the windows and...


Yes, smashed fingers.

Once she recovered (and it was only a couple of minutes because I stopped before fully closing the window) we decided to engage in the time-honored method for feeling better: retail therapy.

6. The poo poo and lost pants incident

I think the title explains it all but suffice it to say by the third store I gave up and Persistence was clad in nothing more than a tank top and pull-up. We left nice little calling cards at every store we visited.

Those are simply the top six. We'll leave it at that.

Now...the good part of the day.

Unflattering photo aside...

Celebrity Collage says I look like Cat Deeley!

Oh my joy knows no bounds. I have a total girlie envy crush on Cat Deeley, so I am ecstatic. Sure, the rest is flattering (barring Tom but CAT DEELEY!

As for Uma Thurman? No, not so much, but she looks like she could be my sister, in fact...she looks JUST LIKE MY SISTER.

I do look like Leelee Sobieski.

I guess my usuals---Tilda Swinton and Cate Blanchett---aren't celebrities any longer?

I would have said "too old" but thank goodness Meryl Streep and Sharon Stone are in there. Leelee is young enough to be my daughter. So there, I don't look like her, she looks like ME!

And Kate Hepburn?

Geez, I can't even fathom. Just color me swooned.

Copyright 2007 Julie Pippert
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Forget Cat Deeley. Leelee Sobieski is hot, Hot, HOTTTT. And you look like her? Tell your spousal unit right away.
Unknown said…
Ah, one of those days. I'm glad there was a little consolation at the end! ;)
Kyla said…
You are a magnet for THOSE kinds of days! LOL. I am so sorry, but the upside is that they make very entertaining posts, you know. I hope this weekend is full of low key good behavior. :)
Anonymous said…
Ugh, what a day! Have a virtual brownie...

Meryl Streep. That's who I've always thought you looked like, just couldn't remember the name (um...gray hair?...laugh lines?...perimenopausal?...this all means no memory, okay?).
Anonymous said…
I went to the trouble of logging on with firefox, only to find out that my photo most closely resembles Moshe Dayan. I tried again, with better results: Reese Witherspoon. Huh. No Loretta Swit?
Suz said…
No school? Just like that? I would go nuts.
Snoskred said…
Are you 100% sure she's not for sale on Ebay? :)

You could have blacked out and accidentally listed her.. ;)

I wonder if any of the calling cards, and perhaps the missing pants, can be found there? :)

Well done on seeing the humor in it all..

S said…
Oh, darlin', I know it wasn't funny for you, but it sure as sh*t was funny to read.

I can see Meryl Streep! Yes!
Anonymous said…
I can certainly relate to the majority of 'incidents'!
Girlplustwo said…
I see Cecil likes them young....I like the Meryl Streep comparison myself.

Sorry you are having a bad day, sweets. I really am.
flutter said…
Oh my god you DO look like leelee sobieski!

guess what else? I like you.
painted maypole said…
I was most impressed by Kate myself, and then I saw Meryl. Now I am afraid to do this - who will I end up with?

They must have meant your brain power and wit match up with Tom Stoppard. Yeah... that's it...

Hope tomorrow is better!
b*babbler said…
Oh good grief, what a day! But really? Your loss was my gain, as this post really was one of the highlights of my day (because it's all about me... snort!)

Hoping Monday is much better and less full of angst for you!
Anonymous said…
You truly may have found my kids on Ebay. LOL. Well...hopefully it will be a nice relaxing weekend and everyone will behave like the angels your originally ordered! 8 - )

I'm sorry you're having one of those days. Mine pales in comparison but I'm still feeling your pain.

And who the hell wants to look like Uma when you can look like Kate??
Aliki2006 said…
Oh, Julie--what an absolutely horrendous day that must have been. I'm not sure I've ever read anything quite like it. I hope you're sufficiently recovered from it--and I hope you don't mind that your writing made me wince for you, and laugh a little, too.
Lawyer Mama said…
Oh. My. God.

Well, you saw the video so you know how my day's been going. Sounds pretty similar but with less fecal matter. Of course, it isn't midnight yet so there's still time....
Liv said…
Has this day been going around? Is it contagious? Because I woke up to Tornado D who has made me crazy all day long followed by Twister Peep who has drawn in marker all over the built in bookshelves in the den. And quite frankly, the two of them have been jack*sses. I hate to say it, but sometimes I know why hamsters eat their young.
Anonymous said…
One must watch the teeth to judge what the mare looks like :)...
Anonymous said…
Holy mother of God!!! Oh sweetie, I admit, I have forgotten/blotted out what a day with little ones can be like. But, at least you can take solace in your super fine self!
Amie Adams said…
I. am. exhausted.

What a day!!
Anonymous said…
I thought only Jewish schools closed all the time in September. It would have been ME weeping on the floor.
Christine said…
damn, lady. that was a CRAPPY day! but you made it pretty frickin' funny to read. and i hope today is better--you deserve it.
Lawyer Mama said…
Oh, I also meant to say - I think you look like Cate Blanchett. At least from the pictures I've seen.
Julie Pippert said…
So split among Cate, Leelee and Meryl?

I will say NOBODY has EVER said Leelee to me. Maybe because I'm like 100 years older than her?

However, I have gotten Cate in real life more than once.

But flutter, it's flattering b/c she is a very pretty *girl* LOL.

LM, I provoked a tantrum by putting the kabosh on watching your tantrum video LOL!

Liv, I so hear you...I do.

De, Reese? Hmm...Loretta, I can see that. You've got the same sort of pretty as her.

Suz and Snoskred, I did go little crazy (but no blackouts LOL).

Cecil, I'm sure my husband read this before he saw me.

M-L, yeah, some consolation...until i got sick!

Kyla, I know. people think I'm a lunatic but what they don't get is every day is like Sunday, I mean Bloody Sunday, I mean Friday LOL. Except McEwen...she gets it!

Omega, yeah, I get Cate. And listen, as for your parentheses, oh sing it sister.

SM and Jen, I'm flattered as all get out by the Meryl comparison.

Oh PM, a brain compliment. Now my vanity is extremely flattered. :) Unfortunately the day ended with me losing my battle against the cold.

b*babbler, I aim to please. :)

Erin, LOL, I threatened to update the ad all day LOL.

Mrs. Chicky, amen to that (but don't tell my sister b/c she gets the Uma thing all the time).

Aliki, perhaps you haven't been reading my blog long enough, LOL. Jokes and science experiments are de rigeur around here. (You can use those as search terms on my blog and find a couple of stories LOL)

Gen, err the teeth are too far out from braces (and no, I didn't keep up with the retainer, obviously LOL) and clearly aging, but hanging in there nonetheless. Hey, I guess they are reflective of me.

Kim oh does amnesia strike and it gets all better?

Christine, if I couldn't laugh my life would...well, ha ha ha I'll just keep laughing.

Emily...I swear preschools find more reasons to close.

Mamma, you and me both.

Thanks all!

I think you look like me.


It was almost freaky meeting you. I started wondering about my dad.
Julie @ Letter9 said…
Oh dear. Your two most recent posts -- this one and the one on the music stuff -- made me feel completely clueless. Cat Deeley? I googled her and I still don't know who she is. La boum? I need to watch more TV. And read more weeklies. And basically just GET A FREAKIN CLUE. Seriously.

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